Today was a strange day. In a hypothetical scenario that felt all too real, I found myself contemplating the unthinkable: my husband, my children, and even my relatives disappearing one by one. “Apologies for the dark humor,” my attorney remarked, as we tackled a long-overdue conversation about estate planning. This was the day my partner and I finally engaged with an estate planning lawyer to create a will, establish a trust for our kids, and appoint each other as power of attorney and medical proxy in case of untimely death. My husband, ever the jokester, quipped about how unfortunate it would be if he were to pass early, adding, “Just remember, you want that lump sum from the insurance company.”
At around 40 years old, you might wonder why it took us so long to initiate this process. According to an ABC poll, nearly half of Americans haven’t completed proper estate planning. I can relate; years ago, as newlyweds and new parents, the task felt overwhelming. Although we attempted a DIY approach, we quickly abandoned it due to the complexities involved. We did manage to notarize a document appointing a guardian for our daughter, but that was the extent of our efforts.
The recent loss of a family member was a wake-up call, highlighting the necessity of having a power of attorney and medical proxy. Many assume their spouse will automatically have these rights or that family members are aware of their wishes. However, the modern medical and legal systems are intricate, and failing to plan can leave loved ones in a tight spot—think of the Terri Schiavo case. My lawyer reminded me that even those who planned their estates responsibly years ago need to adapt to new HIPAA laws and medical procedures that might conflict with their original wishes.
The good news? I don’t need to be an expert in these matters (because I am not!). Surprisingly, the process was less expensive than expected, and our initial meeting was complimentary. I now feel a sense of relief knowing that we’re preparing our children for a future that I hope never comes to pass. While it’s uncomfortable to broach these topics, it’s far more challenging to navigate a crisis without proper planning. I felt quite proud of our adulting skills until I posed a pivotal question to my partner.
“Can you name any of our kids’ doctors?”
“Uh, nope,” he replied.
Busted. Given our roles—my husband works long hours while I manage the home—I shouldn’t have been surprised. During our legal meeting, I realized I was the sole holder of all passwords for our financial accounts because I handle the bills. If something were to happen to me, my spouse would be as lost as anyone. We rectified this by ensuring he has access to crucial information.
This may sound odd to some, a parent unaware of their child’s doctor, but it’s our reality. My husband’s demanding job has allowed me to assume the primary caregiving role, managing appointments and dealing with our children’s medical needs. In an ideal world, we’d attend every appointment together, but the truth is, I often juggle multiple tasks while he is preoccupied with work. Our children’s health issues have become “my thing,” and it’s vital that my partner is equipped to handle things if I’m not there.
To simplify, I created a list of our doctors and specialists to hang on the fridge, empowering my husband to step in when needed. I don’t view this preparation as paranoia; rather, it’s a way to facilitate teamwork. If something were to happen to either of us, this planning ensures that he can take charge without hesitation.
Imagining life without my partner, or vice versa, is painful, but it’s a necessary exercise in love and responsibility. The tools we provide each other today can make all the difference in a crisis.
For more insights on family planning and pregnancy, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy from the NICHD, or explore our article on postpartum conditions related to heartburn.
Summary:
In this article, we explore the importance of crisis preparedness through estate planning, power of attorney, and medical proxies. A personal story highlights the necessity of equipping partners with essential information to manage family health and finances in the event of a crisis. Practical steps, such as creating lists and sharing access to important documents, empower couples to navigate potential challenges together.