As I flipped through my high school yearbook recently, the familiar phrases jumped out at me: “Stay sweet,” “Don’t ever change,” “Most likely to succeed.” These sentiments, penned by friends and teachers two decades ago, now leave me pondering whether I truly met their expectations or if I fell short of both theirs and my own aspirations.
In those days, I was the quintessential overachiever—a dedicated student involved in a wide array of extracurricular activities. I was an All-American swimmer, a musician in the marching, concert, and jazz bands, a singer in the choir, an actress in school plays and musicals, a member of student government, and even part of the homecoming court. It’s a whirlwind of memories that makes me question how I managed to keep everything balanced. I never dabbled in substances or trouble, which only heightened the expectations people had for my future.
After high school, I followed a seemingly successful path. I attended Middlebury College, then worked in various cities across the U.S. and Europe for a travel agency. Eventually, I went to Seton Hall School of Law, where I not only excelled academically but also met my future husband. Following law school, I got married, started a family, and built a career that looked impressive on paper. On the surface, everything aligned with the predictions outlined in my yearbook.
However, the story didn’t end there. The “perfect” girl from high school grappled with a significant drinking and prescription pill issue, which I managed to keep under wraps for a while. Eventually, the facade crumbled, leading to a divorce, a departure from practicing law, and a stint in rehab. This wasn’t the future my hometown envisioned for me.
Hitting rock bottom brought an overwhelming sense of pain and disappointment. I felt like I had disappointed everyone who loved me as I struggled to maintain the duality of my life. During my first nights in rehab, I questioned how I could move forward, grappling with the shame that enveloped me. I was trapped in a dark and frightening place, unsure if I could ever find my way out.
Yet, through perseverance, I managed to rediscover myself, filling the void with a renewed sense of hope. After much effort, I am now sober, focused on being a dedicated mother, and embracing a healthier lifestyle. While I may not be where I envisioned at this stage, I’m beginning to see that my life might turn out to be even better than I once imagined.
Reading my yearbook again, I reflect on those words: “Stay sweet”—I’m not as sweet anymore, but I am more authentic. “Don’t ever change”—I’ve changed more than I ever thought possible, and I’ve learned to embrace my flaws. While I used to be a perfectionist, I’ve come to appreciate the resilience that lies within me. My greatest success now is my sobriety and rebuilding my life from scratch—something that wasn’t part of anyone’s predictions.
As I reached out to those from my past, I was met with compassion and support, reminding me of the strength I possess. Most of them had no idea about my struggles, and their encouragement helped me reconnect with the person I once was, even if she seems far removed from the girl in the yearbook.
In essence, I realize that while I may not resemble the idealized version of myself from high school, I’ve unearthed a fighter within me. A dear friend wrote in my yearbook, “Stay true to yourself,” which resonates deeply with me now. Perhaps he recognized my true essence better than I did back then.
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Summary
Reflecting on the expectations from high school, I ponder whether I fulfilled the potential my peers and teachers saw in me. Despite a successful start, my struggles with addiction led to challenges I never anticipated. Through recovery, I have found a renewed sense of purpose and authenticity, learning to embrace my flaws and celebrate my resilience.