As I listen to Huey Lewis sing, “Is this it?” I can’t help but reflect on my own life. When I first played that song on my boom box back in 1985, the idea of coaching a soccer team that struggles due to a lack of challenge was far from my mind. Honestly, soccer wasn’t even on my radar then.
Later, while sharing this strange predicament with my partner, he casually mentions that this situation hasn’t crossed his mind at all. I understand where he’s coming from; after all, there’s a backhoe in our driveway tackling a long-overdue drainage issue. It’s a massive, costly project. As we sit in silence, our kids buzz around the table recounting their day filled with soccer tryouts and goals scored. I catch him gazing out the window, perhaps pondering whether Huey Lewis is playing in his thoughts too. Did he ever imagine that on a Wednesday, he’d be eating hot dogs while contemplating whether the latest project was beyond our capabilities? Is this it? In my kitchen, I watch my children as we transition into the next part of the evening.
This transition could be called “Roundup.” Chaos reigns as we prepare for the next day: lunch boxes are checked, dinner dishes cleared, and coffee brewed. Our pets are fed, and the kids scramble into their pajamas. This should be a tranquil time, yet despite numerous Pinterest suggestions and idyllic images of kids reading calmly, I’ve never quite managed to achieve that serenity. Even during their infancy, our evening routine was loud and often ended in tears. At least now they can dress themselves!
As I take our dog for her final walk of the day, my mind drifts back to the soccer dilemma. I had made promises to my younger self about how motherhood would unfold, vowing not to become overly invested in my children’s achievements as if I were living vicariously through them. I recognize how easily that can happen. Of course, I want my kids to thrive and shine, but it must come from them, not me. The challenge lies in instilling the understanding that their motivation should stem from within, not from external pressures. Funny enough, eight years ago I would have argued that potty training and sleep training were the most daunting tasks of parenting. Perspective changes everything.
As I wrap up the walk—really just a jaunt to the backyard and back—I visualize my daughter playing soccer, beaming as if she’s on camera throughout the game. Our team may have lost, but her smile remained. Just last week, she asked if she could play with her cousins after practice. Entering the house, I’m reminded that I might be inching toward achieving my goals as a parent.
Perhaps when I was listening to Huey Lewis in 1985, I was subconsciously envisioning this current moment, complete with its soccer dramas. While the specifics may have been unclear, the intention was there. If I could manage to get my twins to sleep through the night—an endeavor I use that term loosely—then I can certainly navigate this next challenge, often referred to as the middle. Sure, some days are messier than others, but it’s undeniably a transitional phase. The foundation we’ve built over the past several years is crucial as we approach the teenage years, where that groundwork must be solid.
Back inside, I’m abruptly reminded that this is indeed it. In just five minutes, a typical squabble has erupted into yelling, crying, and pinching. I trudge upstairs, hearing the shower running as my partner pretends to be oblivious to the chaos. Meanwhile, the dog has snatched a beloved stuffed animal, triggering more screaming. I tuck everyone into bed (also redoing my 7-year-old’s bed, as is my nightly ritual). After kisses are exchanged, I head back downstairs to grab my phone and a glass of pinot. I settle in, trying to unwind. Soon, my partner and I will joke about which child will struggle to sleep and which one forgot their homework. We’ll also review the day and sketch out plans for tomorrow. And if we’re feeling particularly adventurous, we might discuss our future aspirations and a dream or two. That’s when I realize I have found an answer to Huey Lewis’s question.
In summary, a song from my youth has unexpectedly guided my reflections on parenting and acceptance. It serves as a reminder that while challenges arise, they are part of a larger journey of growth for myself and my children.
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