Dear Friends with Children,
I know there are moments when you might feel a tinge of envy toward my child-free lifestyle. I don’t have to haul a lawn chair and a thermos of wine to early morning soccer games, and weekends are blissfully free for sleeping in. But believe me, I find myself envious too—especially when you return from a movie night to squeals of joy from your little ones, or when you’ve planned a fun-filled day at the zoo. You always have a partner in crime for family outings, and that’s something I miss.
With your new roles as parents and my choice to remain childless, our lives have taken different paths. Some friendships flourish, some fade, and others become distant memories captured in photo albums. Yet, if we’re still actively nurturing our friendship as we enter midlife, we’ve clearly got something special. Here are a few insights I’d like to share about being a true friend to those who are parents:
- Embrace Your Flaws: Don’t stress over a messy living room or your appearance. Have you seen my place? I don’t have kids as an excuse, yet I’m just as disorganized. I’m more interested in spending time with you and your family than critiquing your home. Remember the mantra: “Let it go.”
- Include Me in Family Activities: Just because I don’t have little ones to take along doesn’t mean I don’t want to partake in your family adventures. I might seem a bit grumpy sometimes, but there’s nothing quite like seeing a child’s joy from a spinning ride. I’m always up for a movie night under the stars or a fun afternoon splashing in the sprinklers. Just know I’m always willing to treat for ice cream!
- Plan Adult-Only Hangouts: It can be tough to coordinate schedules with kids in the mix, but let’s carve out time for ourselves. Happy hour may be a thing of the past, but we can still enjoy a beer while your kid is at karate. Even a grocery trip together counts as quality time! Let’s prioritize our meet-ups, even if it means planning weeks in advance.
- Be Specific When Making Plans: Rather than saying, “Come visit anytime!” please provide concrete dates when my partner and I can come to see you. We have fewer logistics to manage, so it’s often easier for us to travel. While I love being spontaneous, it’s challenging for me to pick dates without your guidance.
- Value My Opinions: I’ve encountered many situations where my thoughts on parenting topics were dismissed simply because I don’t have kids. I was a child once, and I have children in my life now, so I can offer a unique perspective. Like a priest giving marriage advice, my insights could be valuable—even if they come from someone without children.
- Share Your Parenting Journey: I might not be well-versed in ounces of formula or daily routines, but I’d love to hear about your experiences—the joys and challenges you face. Parenting is no easy feat, so feel free to unload your thoughts; I’m here to listen without the pressure of a bedtime routine.
- Discuss Other Topics Too: While your children are undoubtedly a significant part of your life, don’t forget that there’s a whole world beyond the nursery. Let’s talk about your aspirations, the latest series you’re binge-watching, or books you want to read. I want to celebrate your individuality and ensure you don’t lose your sense of self in the chaos of parenthood.
- Avoid Suggesting Future Motherhood: I appreciate that you think I’d make a good mom one day. It’s clear that having kids is a transformative experience, perhaps the best for you. I hold a special place in my heart for your family, and while I may not choose motherhood for myself, I will always cherish the kids in your life.
With love,
Your Friend Without Kids
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