Updated: November 19, 2023
Originally Published: July 2, 2015
Dear Tween Daughters,
Life with the three of you has been quite the adventure recently. To put it simply, it’s been a whirlwind! One moment, I feel elated when you hold my hand heading into the grocery store, and the next, my heart sinks as you push my arm away. Sometimes, I see you snuggled up on the couch, sharing stories about your day, and in the blink of an eye, you’re running out the door with your friends, looking like a group of young women ready for a night out.
I’ve come to realize that many stereotypes about tween girls are off base. It’s not all doom and gloom, although I didn’t foresee the tears that erupted when I suggested you change clothes for dinner, or the eye rolls that followed requests to tidy your rooms. The word “fine” has taken on a whole new meaning; it now carries an undertone that feels more like a silent protest.
I understand where you’re coming from. I was once a tween myself—though we didn’t use that term back when dinosaurs roamed the earth. I remember longing to be treated like an adult, while still wanting my mom to take care of me. I truly get it.
However, we need to set some expectations as we navigate these challenging years together.
Embrace the Embarrassment
First, understand that I will embarrass you. Whether it’s doing the Running Man at school events or wearing my ’70s Afro wig for Halloween, it’s going to happen. I will belt out the lyrics from that Teen Beach Movie you made me endure during car rides with your friends, and I’ll insist on first-day-of-school photos until you earn your doctorate. You come from a long line of cringeworthy parents—trust me, you’ll survive this.
Open Discussions
We also need to have discussions about those awkward topics. Even if you don’t ask, I know you’re curious about love, relationships, and the changes your bodies are going through. It may feel uncomfortable, but it’s essential for you to have accurate information to make informed choices. It takes bravery to try new experiences, but even more to recognize when you’re not ready for something. I need you to be brave.
Valid Feelings
I won’t dismiss your feelings. While it baffles me that my request for you to shower can lead to an emotional outburst, I recognize that your feelings are valid. I promise to listen instead of jumping to conclusions and to choose my battles wisely, so when something truly matters, you’ll know it.
Digital Privacy
In our home, digital privacy is something you earn. You’re smart, but the Internet, cell phones, and even television can be tricky territories. We need to navigate this landscape together.
Respecting Space
I understand that you require your own space. While it’s hard for me to come to terms with the fact that I’m no longer the center of your universe, I know you need time and room to figure things out. I’ll strive not to take your growing independence personally. Just remember, please don’t slam the door, and we’ll be just fine.
Letting Go
I’ll do my best not to meddle. Your friendships are evolving, and I admire your willingness to put yourself out there more. When you hurt, I feel it too. The instinct to protect you is strong, but I realize I must step back and allow you to handle your own challenges. I will always be there to support you, even if it means letting you stumble before lifting you back up.
Understanding Choices
You may not always appreciate my role in your life. It’s tough to be the one who says no when others seem to have more freedom. While you play checkers, making quick moves and choices, I’m playing chess, aware that each decision can significantly impact your future. You may not like me today, but I hope you’ll respect my choices down the line.
Assuming the Best
Above all, I will assume the best of you. We all deserve a little grace, especially as we navigate these hormonal changes together.
Resources for Exploration
As we embark on this journey, I encourage you to explore more about creating and nurturing relationships. You can check out resources like this one for insights on home insemination, and for more on pregnancy matters, this site is excellent. And if you’re interested in some creative cooking, this link has great ideas to engage your culinary side.
In summary, though life is a roller coaster of emotions, communication, and growth, it’s a journey we will take together.