Dear Kids,
As summer rolls in, I’m officially declaring it a free-for-all zone around the house. Yes, you heard me right! Feel free to leave your half-finished smoothies in the family room—no problem at all. I’ve got it covered! Socks strewn in the hallway? I’m on it. Dirty dishes piling up in the sink? Bring it on! And Legos? The more, the merrier. Oh, and those blankets you drag around? Leave them wherever you drop them; I’ll make sure they find their way back to your rooms, neatly folded.
And about the doors—shutting them is completely optional. I’m right behind you, so why worry? I just love when the wasps find their way inside and the air conditioning escapes. Who needs a climate-controlled house anyway? We embrace the open-door policy here. Money? We have endless supplies of that too.
Feel free to toss your wet bathing suits and towels on any surface—whether it’s the floor or the banister. Creativity is key! And if they happen to be on the painted wood surfaces, I’ll handle it. No need to interrupt your Netflix binge of Friends; those episodes won’t watch themselves!
When hunger strikes, don’t hesitate! You don’t need to stick to regular meal times, and please don’t coordinate with each other. The kitchen is open 24/7, and I’m ready to whip up whatever you want. I majored in quick cooking, after all. If you decide to make something yourself, just leave everything exactly where you used it, including the milk. If it goes bad, I’ll just get more. Money? Easy! I’ll just work harder to cover it. Cleanup? Don’t worry; I’ll follow in your culinary footsteps. It’s impressive how much shredded cheese can end up everywhere!
Every time you feel thirsty, grab a new glass. We have plenty, and I love loading and unloading the dishwasher. As far as I’m concerned, we have an endless supply of electricity and water. The world is our oyster!
Got plans with friends? Count me in! I’m more than happy to drive you around—just give me a shout whenever. No need for advance notice; I can drop whatever I’m doing because I truly understand how valuable your time is. Need cash for a movie? You’ve got it, kiddo.
And to my youngest, I’ll take you to the pool whenever you want. Before we go, feel free to squirm and complain while I put your sunscreen on. Don’t hold back—express yourself! I enjoy the challenge of trying to apply it while you inch away. It’s a great workout for me!
Now, about those goggles—leave the finding to me. It’s my summer mission to keep tabs on them at all times (currently, I think they’re in the car, wedged between the seats). I’ll even keep them under my pillow at night. We can’t be too careful; how will you swim without them?
A few last housekeeping notes: Eye-rolling is totally welcome! I appreciate your immediate feedback on my ideas. Showers? Optional. You know what’s best for you. Wearing a hat? No way; the more sun, the better! Chores can happen whenever you’re ready—the mess isn’t going anywhere.
And one last thing—please wear your headphones so you can’t hear me when I’m talking. Communication is overrated. Fun fact about me? I love yelling things multiple times without getting a response. It’s very cathartic!
So, if you all follow these guidelines, I have a feeling this summer will be a huge success. Or if sarcasm isn’t your strong suit, you may not make it to July. Either way, I love you guys!
Yours truly,
The Default Parent
In this lighthearted letter, we embrace the chaos of summer while sharing the joy of parenting. For those navigating their fertility journey, check out this article for insights. If you’re coping with the aftermath of a miscarriage, this resource offers valuable information. For more on pregnancy and home insemination, visit this excellent resource.