- Tang. If I’m craving something orange and powdery, I’ll opt for Cheetos instead.
- Wooden clogs. Who decided that walking around on blocks of wood was a good idea? Spoiler alert: we’re not in Holland.
- Vicky from The Love Boat. She got to sail the seas without a care in the world, while I was stuck in school. Thanks for nothing, Vicky.
- Window fans. On sticky summer nights, those fans were supposed to circulate cool air, but they just made us sweat more. Long live air conditioning!
- Filmstrips. I can trace many of my tension headaches back to those tedious classroom sessions.
- Canned pudding. Peeling off the lid was somewhat fun, but that sharp edge was a safety hazard waiting to happen. Plus, the pudding always got stuck in the little rim.
- Hee Haw. Fake corn and exaggerated accents? No, thank you.
- Wax lips. Just… why?
- Enjoli perfume. Sure, my mom could bring home the bacon, but did I really need a reminder of her never-ending femininity?
- Lincoln Logs. Creativity is stifled when you can only build a boring rectangle with what you have.
- Andy Gibb. He was my first celebrity crush, but looking back, that feathered hair and excessive chest exposure are a bit off-putting. Rest in peace, Andy.
- Hair combs. The equivalent today? Walking around with flat irons in our hair!
- Captain Kangaroo. An angry man in an ill-fitting suit shouldn’t be interacting with children.
- Owls. Those unsettling eyes and swiveling heads are straight out of a horror movie.
- The phone cord. Talk about a tangled mess.
- Malibu Barbie’s camper. The size of a minivan but with a flimsy tent that fell apart easily. Tanorexic Barbie couldn’t even sit right on those tiny X-shaped stools!
- Lipton Cup-a-Soup. Dried noodles, powdered broth, and desiccated veggies? Yum?
- Speidel silver ID bracelets. What’s the point of wearing an unengraved piece of metal?
- Snap-crotch bodysuits. Uncomfortable and nearly impossible to manage in a pinch.
- TV tables. Designed to be just the right height to encourage eating in front of the TV.
This list reflects on the quirky and sometimes absurd elements of the ’70s that many of us are better off without. If you want to explore more about modern parenting options, don’t forget to check out resources like this one for home insemination kits or this authority on the subject. Additionally, for those considering pregnancy, Hopkins Medicine provides excellent insights into fertility treatments.
In summary, while the ’70s had its charm, many of its trends and items are best left in the past.