“Uncle Mark thinks we can’t watch Pitch Perfect 2, but I know it’s totally fine. I’m texting you to check. So, we can, right? I mean, it’s Pitch Perfect 2!”
I sighed and stood firmly by the fence. Pitch Perfect 2 would have to wait. As my partner navigated the transition, I dashed through the trees to see him splash himself with water before diving into the run course.
The heat and humidity were oppressive that day, even for a bystander. I found a shaded area to sit and took out my phone.
“I’m 99 percent sure you can catch the movie when I get back,” I texted my daughter. “Can we just avoid any conflict while I’m gone? I don’t want to pull rank and create tension. Does that make sense?”
I braced myself for resistance, anticipating an argument I didn’t have the energy to engage in. Seconds later, while I walked toward an air-conditioned café for lunch, she replied, “OK, that’s fine.” I reread the message, almost in disbelief.
Once I reached the refreshing coolness of the restaurant, I was struck by the rare calmness with which everything had resolved. No accusations, no back talk—just clear communication and mutual understanding.
This wasn’t my first experience of parenting more effectively through text. When my kids press me for something—a last-minute change of plans or new clothes from across the store—a firm “No” via text, possibly with a brief explanation, helps me avoid the exhausting spiral of arguments that often leads to me losing my temper. The silence after sending a text allows me to maintain my composure when we meet again, refusing to engage in further discussion.
At its essence, the built-in delay of texting serves as my filtering tool. By the time I finish my message, I’ve already reflected on whether it truly conveys what I want to say before hitting send. The “parent time-out” is invaluable, and texting creates that opportunity every single time.
As a writer, I rely on time to think through my words, revise, and sometimes delete. I’m the person who rewrites a social media post multiple times before deciding to share it or scrap it entirely. I struggle with thinking on my feet; thus, my resume indicates a former career as an attorney.
In law school, I envisioned attorneys would have scripts, similar to my theater experience in high school and college—or at least enough guidelines to know precisely what to do. However, the reality of law is that every case varies, and there isn’t a manual to ensure success.
Sadly, my kids didn’t come with instruction manuals either, no magical guide to decipher their tears or understand their needs.
In just a few weeks, they will both enter their teenage years, and I still lack the guidebooks for navigating these uncharted territories. I have yet to discover the magical pause button that prevents me from saying things I may later regret—except when I’m texting, where a time-out is only a click away.
While this isn’t a comprehensive solution, as they become more independent and spend time away from home—and me—texting may become increasingly beneficial. Perhaps in our face-to-face interactions, I can hold my phone as a reminder to pause and think before I speak.
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Summary:
Texting can be an effective parenting tool, allowing for thoughtful communication and a pause before responding. It can help prevent conflicts and promote understanding between parents and children, especially as they grow more independent.