To all the amazing dads out there, I hope your Father’s Day is filled with joy. I understand that some families without fathers choose to honor mothers or other guardians on this day, feeling they fulfill both parental roles. That’s perfectly fine—family can take many beautiful shapes, and everyone deserves to celebrate in their own way.
Each year, I receive various Father’s Day greetings. However, I must clarify: I don’t wish to be acknowledged on this day. I’m not a father.
I don’t want to be labeled as both a mom and a dad. It frustrates me that there’s an assumption I might want that recognition. Being referred to as part-dad feels as uncomfortable as being called “sir.” While I may engage in activities typically associated with dads or wear men’s clothing, I am not a father.
I embrace my identity openly; I’m gay and in love with a woman. Together, we are raising three wonderful children. My kids have two moms and no father. I appreciate the kindness behind the Father’s Day wishes, but I prefer not to receive them. My special day is in May—on Mother’s Day, or as we call it, Mothers’ Day.
My eldest child has been in daycare since she was just six months old, chosen for its excellent reputation and diversity. As her class prepared for Father’s Day crafts, my partner and I wondered how the teachers would approach it. At age one, my daughter was too young to comprehend. Even at two, most of her projects were simple handprint or footprint art. But the teachers handled it beautifully, writing “Mommy” instead of “Daddy” in the poems.
By the time my daughter turned three, she was more aware of her surroundings. I admit I felt some apprehension about how she would handle Father’s Day. The Mother’s Day celebration was marvelous, complete with breakfast and songs. I cherished that experience, but I couldn’t help but worry about the upcoming Father’s Day festivities, imagining my sweet Eva as the only child without a dad.
She has the confidence to dance freely in the grocery store, but would she feel comfortable being different among her peers? Would she understand that it’s perfectly fine to celebrate fathers, even if she doesn’t have one? Would she take pride in having two moms?
We asked her teachers to have her create a Father’s Day gift for her Pop-Pop, my partner’s father and her only grandparent. For quite some time, she has known that she has two moms and understands that some friends have both a mom and dad, while others don’t. She’s even caught on to my attempts to give characters in her books two moms or two dads. How could she know that the Berenstain Bears lack diversity?
When playing with her stuffed animals or dolls, Eva always includes both a mom and a dad. It’s concerning to me—not because she longs for a father, but because she’s already confronted with the idea that every family must consist of a mom and dad.
It troubles me that, as a toddler, she recognizes her family’s acceptance and love from those around her, yet she also feels like the odd one out among her friends. The absence of same-sex parents in media and literature is a glaring gap. I wish she could see more families like ours represented in her favorite stories and shows.
Fortunately, my concerns weigh heavier on me than they do on her. Eva proudly crafted a Father’s Day gift for Pop-Pop without any hesitation. When we decided not to attend the Father’s Day lunch, one of her friends wondered about her absence, asking, “But Eva doesn’t have a daddy; who will be here for her?”
Eva seemed unfazed, but my partner gently encouraged her to give her friend’s dad a hug for Father’s Day, just as he had done for us on Mother’s Day. Unfortunately, many dads couldn’t make it that day, so the kids enjoyed pizza and took home their gifts. I remain uncertain how Eva would have reacted in a celebration meant for something she doesn’t have.
One day, I hope her friends—and society as a whole—will recognize that my partner and I are always there for Eva. She doesn’t need a dad, nor do we require Father’s Day wishes. Such labels, even when well-intentioned, imply that a child must have both a mother and father to be raised well. Parents, regardless of gender, can raise children successfully, and a family does not need one of each to feel complete.
Conclusion
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