The months leading up to my 40th birthday were filled with an exhilarating sense of expectation, as if I were about to shed an old, worn-out persona and step into a radiant new chapter, accompanied by a celestial choir. Forty felt like a pivotal moment, a chance to realign my life’s course. I envisioned waking up on my birthday infused with newfound superpowers: confidence, clarity, and purpose.
Reality, however, had other plans. On that morning, I awoke feeling almost identical to how I always had: ambivalent, overwhelmed by the minutiae of daily life, and frazzled by the demands of motherhood. Time passed—weeks turned into months, then a year—and I still struggled to uncover my path and my purpose. Then, unexpectedly, I found myself expecting my third child, which redirected any unfulfilled aspirations I had for my 40s back to the challenges of early motherhood.
I realized that I could no longer navigate another decade simply hidden behind the responsibilities of being a mother. I needed to carve out my own definition of confidence, clarity, and purpose instead of waiting for them to arrive like a long-lost friend. As a true late bloomer, it has taken me several years to find my footing and understand what resonates with me. Here’s what I’ve learned so far in my mid-40s:
It’s About Progress, Not Perfection.
Growing up, I often heard the phrase, “Just get over it; you’re amazing, move on.” While this mindset may suffice for minor setbacks, I’ve come to realize that life isn’t merely about brushing aside challenging experiences. It’s about acknowledging them, no matter how uncomfortable they may be. Moving through difficult moments rather than bypassing them leads to a richer, more nuanced understanding of life, with its blend of sadness, joy, and everything in between.
Create Space Through Letting Go.
This idea extends beyond simply processing experiences. After navigating through emotions, I’m learning to let go—not just to get over them—and create space for new, positive experiences.
Others’ Opinions are Not My Concern.
Years ago, a wise friend, Maya, shared with me that what others think is none of my business. Initially, I grasped the concept but struggled to embrace it fully due to my ingrained people-pleasing tendencies. I’ve come to realize that while I strive to be my best self, it’s impossible to please everyone. Instead of expending energy worrying about others’ perceptions, I’ve redirected that focus toward ensuring I’m true to myself and the people I cherish most.
Bravery is a Daily Practice.
In my 20s, bravery meant tackling significant life changes like moving or ending a relationship. In my 30s, it was about marriage and motherhood. Now, in my 40s, bravery manifests in smaller, everyday actions—the courage to write consistently, to express disagreement with a friend, or to set boundaries with my children. It’s about recognizing that even small victories are worth celebrating.
Practice Self-Compassion.
Mistakes are inevitable. I’ll falter, misstep, and sometimes lose my temper. I’ve learned that berating myself for these moments does not serve me or my family. Instead, I’m focusing on forgiving myself for my errors and recognizing that, as long as no one is grievously harmed, most slip-ups are forgivable and even forgettable with time.
Embrace Aging.
I’m not young anymore, and that’s perfectly fine. I have no desire to recapture my 20s or 30s; while those years were filled with excitement, they also came with greater insecurity and stress. Yes, I worry about aging skin and wrinkles, but I’ve found that what truly matters is the inner self. The essence of who I am transcends physical appearance.
Stay Aware, Not Afraid.
Aging does bring physical challenges that can be daunting. While I’m grateful for my health, I’m learning to be proactive about my well-being, whether that means prioritizing sleep, monitoring my alcohol consumption, or simply taking good care of my body. There’s no need to overexert myself just to meet arbitrary standards.
Accept Compliments Gracefully.
When someone offers me praise, I’m practicing the art of simply saying “thank you.” I often feel the urge to downplay my accomplishments or return the compliment immediately. However, taking a moment to appreciate kind words allows them to resonate more deeply and fosters a richer connection with the giver.
It’s Not About Looking Good; It’s About Feeling Good.
It’s not about “still having it” in terms of appearance; it’s about finally grasping what truly matters: confidence, clarity, and intention. Slowing down, being present, and focusing on what brings joy and patience are essential. Nurturing positive emotions takes effort, but I’m committed to that journey.
In the end, it’s never too late to discover your path.
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Summary:
This reflection highlights the journey of self-discovery that comes with aging, particularly for women entering their 40s. Emphasizing the importance of emotional processing, self-compassion, and the acceptance of aging, it encourages readers to redefine their understanding of confidence and purpose.