- To kick things off, expect to get roughly 1.7 hours of sleep each night.
- Even though your tent floor is padded with a comfy foam mat, you’ll find yourself squeezed into the narrowest strip, laying on a bed of rocks and sticks, pressed against the tent’s nylon walls. Meanwhile, the rest of your family enjoys a cozy night’s sleep on the mat.
- Your meals will consist of a variety of breakfast tacos, burgers, hot dogs, fajitas, sandwiches, and fruit. The kids will happily munch on tortilla chips and Nutella sandwiches washed down with juice boxes for the entire trip.
- The children will relish an extraordinary amount of time outdoors.
- Whenever they start to feel restless, you can suggest they “explore!” and “find some sticks!” or “dig in that dirt pile!”—a perfect nature scavenger hunt.
- You will trek to the restroom approximately 84 times, or about every five minutes.
- Your kids will ensure they never need to go at the same time.
- You’ll teach them how to relieve themselves in the lake.
- You’ll show them how to handle things in the woods.
- Your daughter will adamantly refuse to use the public restroom.
- Yet, she’ll have no qualms about squatting just ten feet away from your neighbor’s massive camper, pants down and calling for help with her hygiene.
- This will lead to a necessary conversation about where certain activities should be conducted—namely, not in full view of your campsite neighbors enjoying their air-conditioned card games.
- You’ll frequently remind them to “stay clear of the fire.”
- “You’re too close to the flames!” will become your new mantra.
- And you’ll need to keep reminding them not to wave around those sticks they just ignited.
- Expect some burn holes in your camping chairs.
- And likely in your favorite T-shirt as well.
- You might allow your kids to stay up a bit later than usual, thanks to the excitement of camping—s’mores! Beer! (The beer’s for you, of course.)
- They will repay you by waking up at the crack of dawn.
- And this sunrise will feel earlier than any sunrise in recorded history.
- With your cozy rock-and-stick bed ensuring you’re already awake and the tent lacking blackout curtains, you’ll have a front-row seat to the spectacle.
- They’ll begin whispering curious questions like, “Where is everyone?” and “Can we make cinnamon rolls?” or “I have to go potty.”
- You may attempt to shush them, but soon throw in the towel—after all, you’re camping! Welcome to the great outdoors, folks.
- You’ll find yourself in a constant battle with misplaced shoes.
- “I CAN’T HOLD IT! I CAN’T HOLD IT! I CAN’T HOLD IT!” will echo through the campsite.
- Across four families, you’ll have 2 electric skillets, 1 Crock-Pot, 1 griddle, 13 spatulas, 8 rolls of toilet paper, 72 juice boxes, and not a single coffeemaker.
- For now, you’ll settle for a Diet Pepsi to keep you going.
- You’ll pull up a camping chair, enjoy a sip of your caffeine-infused drink, watch your kids happily dig in the dirt, and try to relax.
- Until, of course, someone urgently needs to use the restroom.
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