Having a baby was more challenging than my partner Jake and I anticipated.
Before we could begin our journey toward parenthood, there were numerous questions we needed to tackle. Jake and I have been through a lot together, including three weddings—yes, all to each other! We first tied the knot in a beautiful personal ceremony back in 2001 when same-sex marriage wasn’t legal. After that, we rushed to the courthouse in 2004 when same-sex marriages were briefly allowed in San Francisco. Sadly, those weddings were nullified shortly after, but when marriage equality became permanent in 2013, we finally celebrated our union legally.
With such a rich history, it was no surprise that starting a family together brought its own set of complexities. For many heterosexual couples, the process can be as straightforward as having “the talk” and stopping birth control. But for us, it was a bit more involved.
The First Decision: Who Will Carry the Baby?
The first decision was who would carry the baby. Both of us were healthy and had the ability to conceive, so we decided to have two children, with each of us carrying one. I would be the first to carry.
Finding a Sperm Donor
Next, we faced the question of where to find sperm. It may sound simple, but it was a bit more complicated than it seemed. Initially, we considered asking a friend, but we quickly realized this could introduce confusion later on. Random hookups were out of the question, so we opted for a sperm bank.
Let me tell you, using a sperm donor is nothing like what you see on TV! There were endless discussions about our options, and the stress was real. For anyone interested in this journey, I recommend checking out our detailed post on home insemination here.
It’s important to stay informed, so I also suggest visiting Facts About Fertility for valuable insights on pregnancy and home insemination. And if you want to hear from a knowledgeable resource, you can meet our creative director, Alex Morgan, here.
In summary, our experience as a same-sex couple starting a family was filled with unexpected challenges and decisions, but we navigated it all together.