Updated: Dec. 20, 2015
Originally Published: May 28, 2015
When my 23-year-old sister posted photos of us at our dad’s birthday celebration, I couldn’t help but feel a wave of anxiety wash over me. With her radiant youth and lush, voluminous hair, I felt the weight of age next to her. The high-definition camera revealed the differences: pronounced crow’s feet, dull collagen, and dark circles that no concealer could fully hide. While I sometimes long for my younger body (a body I took for granted), I wouldn’t trade the emotional growth that comes with being 40 for anything. So, instead of succumbing to societal pressures about appearances, I’ve learned to appreciate the deeper benefits of this decade:
- Fewer Surprises
In my 20s, I was often caught off guard by jealousy, toxic relationships, and difficult work situations, as I hadn’t yet grasped how people really operated. If we could bottle the tears I shed from the emotional upheaval, we could end California’s drought. When my sister faces challenges with friends or relationships, I draw on my experiences to reassure her that it’s usually not as dire as it seems. Thanks to life lessons (and therapy), I’ve become adept at spotting toxic individuals before they can drag me down, allowing me to sidestep emotional pitfalls. - Less Concern About Appearances
My sister is undeniably stunning, effortlessly turning heads wherever we go. I remember the endless hours I spent in my 20s perfecting my look to impress others. Now, I prioritize authenticity over appearances. I may shower less frequently, but I’m more comfortable expressing my thoughts honestly, regardless of others’ opinions. Being true to myself takes far less energy than maintaining a facade. - Mastering Apologies
In your 20s, it’s all too easy to point fingers at others without recognizing your own role in conflicts. One of the most significant lessons I’ve learned in my 40s is how to apologize sincerely, without excuses. “I’m sorry, but…” is no longer my go-to phrase. I’ve cultivated the ability to offer genuine apologies, whether to my husband, my son, or clients, ensuring that communication flows smoothly. - A Clearer Sense of Purpose
In my 20s, I aspired to be a writer but lacked direction. I felt trapped in jobs that drained me while being overly focused on my own needs. Now at 40, I’ve established myself as a working writer, which allows me to shift my focus from myself to the world around me. I’m more curious about the culture I live in and the voices that often go unheard, and I feel empowered to make a difference through my work. - Self-Sufficiency
Young adults often seek validation from others while grappling with their identities. In my 40s, I’ve learned to nurture myself. Whether I’m bored, I turn to reading or writing. If I’m hungry, I choose healthy options, and I no longer guilt myself over enjoying chocolate. Instead of obsessing over fitness routines, I prioritize balance. Embracing my body’s changes, including stretch marks, has liberated me. Solitude no longer brings anxiety; I’ve learned to appreciate my own company.
Research suggests that after midlife, many individuals report increased happiness, and I can attest to that shift.
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Summary:
In my journey through my 40s, my younger sister has provided invaluable perspectives that have helped me appreciate the emotional and psychological growth that accompanies aging. I’ve learned to navigate relationships with greater wisdom, embrace authenticity, and find a deeper sense of purpose.