Updated: Aug. 15, 2023
Originally Published: May 28, 2023
“Please don’t let anyone ask my age,” I silently plead as I attempt to slip out of the classroom unnoticed. All the other parents in my child’s class seem to be younger than I am. I would never deceive them about my age, but I certainly don’t need to highlight it.
My daughter, however, has other plans. “Mommy’s 45 today!” she exclaims, and I can feel a wave of shock ripple through the room, primarily from me. Although the other parents are polite, I can sense their surprise. I can hardly believe it myself. Forty-five isn’t middle-aged; it’s just shy of the time when someone writes about you in the local paper and says, “She led a full life.” Yet here I am, at 45, still feeling like I’m just beginning.
Historically, I’ve never been bothered by my age. Being the youngest in my family meant I was always surrounded by older siblings. Even when I had my first child at 37, I found myself in a circle of friends who were all older than me, allowing me to still feel like the “young” one, even as I approached middle age. Living in Los Angeles for years has added to this; while many women here seem to freeze at 29, I’ve continued to grow. I embraced my age, proudly announcing it when asked, and received responses like, “You’re just a baby!” or “You’re so young!”
But now, reactions have shifted. Comments like “Forty-five? Wow, you look fantastic for your age,” are becoming commonplace. Suddenly, my appearance is under scrutiny, as I’m now part of a category defined by time. I find myself in a competition against aging—a contest I never signed up for.
Beyond the compliments, I often hear that “45 is the new 30.” To that, I would argue that unless 30-year-olds are suddenly experiencing hot flashes and skin that resembles a wind chime, I’m not sure that comparison holds. Besides, my 30s weren’t exactly my golden years, so why would I want to relive them?
What’s most poignant about aging is how the younger generation encourages you to embrace it. I’ve never felt more grounded, knowledgeable, or wise; however, I also have a 4-year-old at home, and I don’t want to miss a moment of her life. I’m not concerned about looking “old”; I simply refuse to feel old.
So, the next time a taut-skinned young mom tells me I should be excited about my age because 45 is the new 30, I’ll set her straight. “Actually,” I’ll respond, “forty-five is the new 46.” Then, with a knowing smile, I’ll ask her where she goes for spinning or hot yoga, fully aware that I probably won’t join her. The best part of aging is realizing you don’t have to conform to anyone else’s expectations. If only I had figured that out when I was 30, which I’ve heard is the new 29.
For more insights on age and motherhood, you can check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. Additionally, if you’re interested in fertility options, this article discusses fertility boosters for men. Finally, learn about cancer survival in the context of family planning here.
In summary, aging can be a complex topic, especially when it intersects with motherhood. Embracing one’s age while navigating the challenges of parenting can be a balancing act. It’s essential to cherish the present, knowing that every stage of life brings its own unique experiences and wisdom.