As a single mother navigating recovery from alcoholism, I’m faced with the guideline that I should refrain from dating for at least a year. This is a widely accepted rule in recovery circles, particularly in Alcoholics Anonymous. The reasoning is that it takes time—about a year, they say—for my mind to clear and for me to rediscover who I am without the haze of alcohol. While I believe it may take longer to truly heal, I’m willing to commit to this timeframe because it feels like a significant enough stretch for me to focus on self-improvement.
The reality is, I’ve always been drawn to men. My first crush dates back to nursery school, and I’ve been in relationships ever since. Adjusting to a year of singlehood feels daunting. I understand that this time is meant for self-reflection, but it also highlights my struggle to face my past mistakes. Being alone now means confronting the reality of my life—something I managed to avoid while I was in denial.
Living independently adds another layer of complexity. I don’t drive, so my days often consist of solitude in my apartment, aside from the time I spend at outpatient therapy, AA meetings, or with my kids. I find myself in deep conversation with my own thoughts, and honestly, I tire of my own company at times. Yet, that’s the essence of this journey: learning to be okay with just myself.
Occasionally, I receive invitations for dates, but I can’t help but wonder how I would explain my current situation. “Sorry, I can’t meet you; I don’t drive. No drinks either, as I’m in recovery. I’m currently unemployed, relying on state support due to health issues. I spend my weekdays learning life skills and writing about my past.” It’s a lot to unpack, and I often find myself wanting to embellish the truth to seem more palatable. I could easily craft a story that paints me in a better light, using my former life as an attorney to cover up the reality of my current situation. However, I’ve committed to living authentically, which makes me reluctant to fall back into old habits of deception.
Taking this time away from dating might enrich other aspects of my life. After all, who would genuinely want to be with someone in my position? I certainly wouldn’t trust anyone who expressed interest, fearing they might either be a superhero or as troubled as I am. A recent acquaintance from my past, Chris, reached out, thinking that sending me uniform pictures would somehow entice me. The truth is, it did nothing but turn me off.
Despite my current circumstances, I recognize my needs as a human being. Since leaving the hospital, I have been grateful for the assistance I’ve received—rental help, food stamps, a stipend for bills, and support from AA members. These resources are invaluable as I work towards rebuilding my life as a lawyer. However, I can’t help but think that if I’m going to embrace a year of being unattached, then a little self-care in the form of personal pleasure should be part of the deal. Just saying.
This morning, as I got ready for my outpatient program, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I realized I looked better than I had in ages—healthier and more vibrant. It was a refreshing feeling to appreciate myself for who I am, not for anyone else. I’ve come to accept that I am not a bad person, and I can be good company. I even found myself dancing and singing along to Aretha Franklin’s “Respect.” Yet, I am conscious of the fine line between enjoying my own company and becoming overly dependent on solitude. Overall, I think I’m on the right path to forming a healthier relationship with myself.
In conclusion, this journey as a single mother in recovery is challenging yet rewarding. While the path may seem daunting, I’m learning to embrace my time alone and to appreciate the growth that comes from it. I’m excited for the future and the possibilities that await.
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