As the day winds down, my children cheerfully march towards their beds, their hair still damp from a bath they didn’t resist. I lean in, whispering, “I adore you. Thank you for being so wonderful. Have sweet dreams during your twelve-hour slumber.” Each child looks up, declaring, “I’m definitely NOT going to ask for a glass of water right now. Goodnight!”
Just kidding. That scenario never unfolds.
Bedtime is, without a doubt, my least favorite time of the day. The bedtime routine feels like the universe’s cruel joke on parents: “Let’s ensure that each day closes with a series of events designed to push them to the brink of sanity.” Each night in my home is a relentless replay of some twisted version of Groundhog Day.
First, the mere mention of going to bed sends both kids into a state of disbelief and panic. They act as though the concept of bedtime is completely foreign. “BED? NO WAY! I REFUSE TO GO TO BED. BED?”
Then comes the pajama debacle, which must be the most draining part of a parent’s evening, right? Why can’t kids just put their pajamas on without turning it into a wrestling match? Why do we end up sweating as we try to dress them? Seriously, someone take the wheel.
After finally managing to get the pajamas on (a miracle, indeed), it’s time to tackle tooth brushing. There are two distinct types of kids when it comes to this: one who wants to brush for 15 minutes and the other who insists on avoiding it entirely. There’s no middle ground. And if you have more than one child, they will inevitably engage in a toothbrush duel, resulting in one of them storming out of the bathroom upset.
Next, we enter the bedroom to select a story. If you have multiple children, they will never agree on a book, and you’ll have to disregard their bickering for your own peace of mind. One child will request the book that’s been missing for weeks, while you try to recall its whereabouts. You pick a different story, only for the child to insist they want the original book throughout your entire reading. The moment you finish, they magically declare their newfound love for the story you just read, demanding, “Read it AGAIN, MOMMY!”
Finally, the stealthy exit from the bedroom begins—until you inevitably trip over a toy on the way out. It’s impossible to navigate a child’s room without stepping on something, especially at night, when the toy you trip over is guaranteed to emit a loud, prolonged musical tune.
If you’ve ever wondered why parents often crave a drink at the end of the day, look no further than the bedtime routine. It serves as a reminder from the universe not to get too comfortable with your parenting skills.
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Summary: The article humorously explores the chaotic nightly routine of putting children to bed, highlighting the challenges and absurdities that parents face during this time. It paints a relatable picture of the struggles involved while maintaining a lighthearted tone.