The quest for “normalcy,” or at least for acceptance within societal norms, influences us all. While this urge can be beneficial—preventing us from engaging in reckless behavior, for example—the pressure to fit in can suppress individuality. If your aim is to raise kind, intelligent, and creative boys (and girls, for that matter), you must be prepared to stand out from the crowd.
As a parent of sons, I’ve witnessed firsthand the challenges posed by today’s societal environment, which can be toxic for boys. Throughout their childhood, I often encountered criticism for enrolling my boys in violin lessons right after baseball practice, encouraging them to read extensively, and steering them away from video games and cable TV. I chose to ignore the skeptics because popularity was never my priority. Interestingly, my boys are well-liked by their peers.
Here’s a significant insight: I genuinely believe my children are extraordinary. And I believe yours are too. Recognizing my children as beings of limitless potential has often guided me through the noise of misguided advice and fleeting trends. Our focus is on integrity, not social media validation. I have no desire for my sons to seek titles or accolades; rather, I want them to grow into good, moral individuals who illuminate the lives of those around them.
I readily acknowledge that we’ve made our share of mistakes, yet we firmly reject unkindness as an acceptable behavior. My boys learned early on that making jokes at the expense of someone’s weight, race, or education is out of the question. We share laughter daily, but it’s rooted in the absurdities of life, not at the expense of others.
Parents can instill kindness by modeling respectful behavior toward service workers, such as cashiers and waitstaff. A simple stop at a drive-thru can be an opportunity to discuss the hard work employees put in, the multiple roles they juggle, and the reality that many hold two or more jobs. By acknowledging their efforts, we teach our children empathy and compassion.
Too often, the phrase “boys will be boys” is used to excuse poor behavior. While it’s true that boys will create messes, wield sticks as swords, and occasionally forget hygiene, my household doesn’t tolerate fighting, objectifying women, or crude language.
A friend of mine, Jenna, has twin boys who recently turned four. “They’ve started hitting each other and everyone else,” she confided. “What can I do to make it stop?” My response was straightforward: “Work on it daily for the next 15 years.” And honestly, it’s true. Just recently, my 21-year-old learned how to engage in wrestling matches without crying or requiring stitches. Boys have a natural inclination to hit, but it’s our responsibility as parents to guide them in managing their tempers.
I am not an advocate of the “let them fight it out” philosophy. My husband and I both grew up in households where sibling rivalry created long-lasting bitterness. Teaching boys to control their impulses will serve them well as they transition into husbands and fathers.
The journey to fatherhood begins early. When one of my boys scores a winning goal or achieves a perfect test score, I feel pride, but my heart swells more when I see them comfort a fussy baby at church or invite younger siblings to play—whether it’s on the trampoline or with dolls. As the saying goes, “A man stands tallest when he kneels to help a child.”
Crude jokes, especially those objectifying women, have no place in the lives of real men. Manners still matter, and simple courtesies like saying “excuse me” after a burp are timeless. I firmly believe that traditional values, like holding doors open or offering your seat on a bus, are essential.
Our sons should also be introduced to the concept of grief. This is a delicate subject, but it’s crucial for children to understand struggles both within their homes and in the wider world. Sometimes, it’s easier to talk about global issues than to address personal challenges, like a parent losing a job. Our children develop compassion and insight when they realize that everyone faces their own battles. As Plato wisely noted, “Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
Finally, a sense of whimsy is essential for fostering kindness. As my son often states, “Life would be so boring if my parents weren’t so immature.” I openly embrace my own silliness—whether it’s making valentines, driving through mud puddles, or staging backyard water fights. Happiness and kindness go hand in hand, and the more laughter we cultivate at home, the happier we all become. After all, we were made for joy.
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Summary
Raising kind, intelligent, and creative boys requires a commitment to instilling values of empathy, respect, and emotional intelligence. By modeling positive behaviors and encouraging open conversations about life’s challenges, parents can guide their children toward becoming compassionate individuals. Embracing whimsy and laughter also plays a crucial role in fostering a nurturing environment where kindness thrives.