When it comes to parenting, I often find that books on the subject just don’t align with my style. I focus too much on the disastrous outcomes that could befall my children if I deviate from their advice, yet I frequently forget the steps to avert those calamities. The result? Children in distress and a mom on the brink. After my oldest reached the age of two, I resolved to stop reading parenting books—though I’ve strayed from that vow on a few occasions. One of those detours was to discover how to preemptively tackle sibling rivalry. With a few straightforward strategies, I thought I could foster a sense of security in my kids, reducing their need to compete for my or my partner’s love and attention.
To my surprise, this approach seemed effective. My children no longer engage in overt competitions to be crowned “Favorite Kid.” While this is beneficial for their self-esteem, I can’t help but wonder if a little healthy competition might encourage them to take on chores or embrace good habits—like picking up after themselves or eating their vegetables. However, sibling rivalry hasn’t vanished; instead, it has morphed into annoyances that are equally frustrating. Here are some of the more ridiculous ways their rivalry reveals itself:
- I had it first! The definitions of “had” and “first” are incredibly elastic. “Had” could mean merely glancing at an item from across the room or contemplating its existence at some point. As for “first,” it might imply briefly holding it within the last three months or simply being the one who unwrapped it if it was a gift. It doesn’t matter how many other toys were played with in between; the rule is that whoever is clutching the object—regardless of whether they are actually using it—claims victory.
- Don’t go in my side! Every single time we need to enter or exit the car, a full-scale battle ensues over which door each child will use. It’s not like one side is particularly glamorous while the other is a horror show, yet they act as if choosing the “wrong” side will yield dire consequences.
- I’m gonna win! This is closely tied to the previous point. My children will recklessly dash through parking lots, streets, or even thorny bushes just to reach the car (or their rooms, or the bathroom) before one another. The “prize” for their frantic sprinting is hardly worth it—it certainly isn’t my admiration for their speed.
- It’s not a race! This statement typically comes from the sibling who is trailing behind or clearly set to finish second.
- That’s mine! It seems unreasonable to expect to have duplicates of everything. Or do I? Because I’m seriously contemplating buying six sets of those colorful plates from Ikea so every child can have their preferred color. The ongoing battle over the orange plate is wearing me down.
Let me clarify: I’m not encouraging my children to compete for my affection. They already have it without any contests. However, if they feel the urge to channel their competitive nature, why not aim for making me breakfast in bed? Just a thought. Maybe I should mention to my son that his sister will make it first?
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In summary, while sibling rivalry may take on various frustrating forms, it’s a natural part of growing up. Embracing competition in a healthy way could even foster important life skills—if only they could channel that energy into something more constructive!