As a child, I vividly remember being around 7 or 8 and knowing deep down that what was happening to me was wrong. Yet, I remained silent. When he put his hands under my clothes, I didn’t stop him; I sat there, motionless, hiding beneath a blanket right in front of my grandparents. When he asked me, “Does it feel good?” I nodded, and when he said, “You won’t tell anyone, right?” I shook my head in agreement. I allowed it to continue for weeks, encouraging his actions with my silence.
It was the nightmares that ultimately revealed my secret. My mother had to dig deep, asking pointed questions to uncover the truth. “Kristen, did someone touch you? Was it G___?” She didn’t hesitate to call him out in the middle of the night, proclaiming, “If you ever lay a hand on my daughter again, I will CUT YOUR BALLS OFF.” But he was family, and so the secret remained buried, tucked away in the dark corners of my mind, only to resurface at family gatherings. Thankfully, her threat worked; he didn’t try anything again.
Despite the gravity of what occurred, I still grapple with feelings of shame. My grandmother once innocently asked, “Why didn’t you just say something?” Yet, no one directly blamed me for what happened. The knowledge that I stayed silent, that I kept his secret, is what haunts me. I often find myself making excuses for him, questioning why I didn’t push his hand away or scream out. The shame is a tricky beast, lurking in the shadows, even for those who endure far worse experiences.
I know I’m not alone in this struggle. Society’s double standards often lead even the most mentally healthy individuals to wrestle with feelings of shame. Would it have made a difference had my family confronted my abuser or sought counseling for me? Perhaps I’m just predisposed to feel this way.
But let’s be clear: I was not made for shame, nor was I made for secrets or silence. And neither is anyone else. Can we change the narrative around familial abuse? I hate saying it, but it’s time to hold these individuals accountable. Let’s make an example out of those who harm others.
To the Men:
No, you may NOT touch without consent. Your actions take something that can never be returned. You change lives FOREVER. Her silence is NOT consent. Her quiet acceptance is NOT consent. Remember, she is just a child, a human being deserving of respect.
To the Women:
You don’t have to carry this secret. You are not obligated to protect your abuser. Speak out. Share your truth and live free from shame.
To Parents and Authority Figures:
It’s time to stop allowing abusers to escape consequences. A few weeks of hard labor is not enough (looking at you, Duggars). Protect the victims and ensure they understand that what happened was not their fault. Remind them that they are blameless, regardless of any complicity they may feel.
I share this while still grappling with my own shadows. Gary was my abuser. What about you?
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Summary
This article emphasizes the importance of calling out child molesters and addressing the shame and silence surrounding abuse. It advocates for accountability and support for victims while urging society to change how it handles such sensitive issues.