Let’s be honest: if you’re expecting a baby, you might want to put down that snack before diving into this discussion.
When you enter the world of pregnancy, the conversations with fellow parents often revolve around the joys of parenthood—love, laughter, and all the sunshine. But, what many don’t mention is that motherhood can be shockingly, unavoidably gross. You might think you know what to expect, but trust me, there are levels of messiness that are beyond your wildest imagination.
The Arrival of Your Little One
Let’s kick things off with the arrival of your little one. Whether you’re delivering through traditional means or via a surgical procedure, the process is anything but glamorous. I won’t go into the gory details; you can easily find that information online. What’s less commonly shared is the aftermath of childbirth: imagine experiencing what feels like a crime scene for days on end. You’ll find yourself in adult diapers for a week—not due to incontinence, but because of the post-birth realities that could rival a Quentin Tarantino film.
And then, there’s the moment you’re standing in the shower two days after delivery, only to have a bloody blob the size of a racquetball drop out of you. Yes, that’s absolutely normal. I promise I’m not exaggerating, and I wish I were kidding.
The First Diaper Change
But all of that is quickly forgotten when you gaze at your precious bundle, who looks like an angel, right? Until the first 2 a.m. diaper change, when your darling decides to unleash a geyser of bright yellow poop—not just on the clean diaper you had ready, but also on your pajamas and, yes, even part of your hair. You barely clean that up when it happens again.
The Family Road Trip
Let’s not forget about the scenic family road trip. Picture this: your toddler suddenly starts to projectile-vomit all over their car seat, and you’re stuck on a hot road with nowhere to stop. To add to the catastrophe, you realize you left the diaper bag with wipes and spare clothes at home.
If you haven’t experienced this yet, brace yourself: you WILL get vomited on. It’s not a question of if, but when. And I’m not talking about the occasional baby spit-up; I’m referring to the full-on big-kid vomit, complete with bile and whatever they ate for dinner, all over your pajamas at 3 a.m.
The Toilet Triumph
And then there’s that delightful moment when your toddler, in all their independence, decides to use the toilet but doesn’t quite finish the job. Suddenly, you’re faced with a messy trail leading from the bathroom to the stairs as they proudly announce their ‘toilet triumph’ while you’re merely trying to brush your teeth.
Motherhood is not for the faint-hearted. If you’re particularly squeamish, I hope your partner has a stronger stomach. In our household, that duty fell to me. I’m the one who gets covered in vomit and scrubs poop from carpets. Lucky me.
The Grossness Continues
You might think that the grossness fades after the potty training stage, but think again. One of my children went through a phase of picking her nose and wiping the evidence onto her pillow. Upon changing the sheets, I discovered a constellation of dried boogers decorating the pillowcase. And then there’s the story of a friend who found her son’s closet filled with Dixie cups containing… well, let’s just say it was a science experiment gone wrong.
Boys, in particular, have a special knack for bathroom mishaps. No matter how well you try to teach them to aim, it often ends with a thorough bathroom clean-up. After hosting five boys for a barbecue, our upstairs bathroom looked as if it had been hosed down with urine—no exaggeration.
And let’s not even start on the stories of boys using each other’s toothbrushes as a prank or the infamous incident of a little one who couldn’t resist a showroom toilet. The surprising reality is that all these children belong to loving, responsible parents. It turns out that even the best kids can have a knack for grossness.
The Truth About Parenting
It’s easy to see why these realities of parenting aren’t widely discussed. They’re messy, a bit embarrassing, and don’t align with the more romanticized views of parenthood. But they are the truth, and however unglamorous, they are part of the journey. Now that you’ve been forewarned, you can return to your sandwich, and good luck navigating the wild world of parenting!
For further insights on the journey of starting a family, you might find our post on fertility boosters helpful. Additionally, learn about changes during pregnancy from this resource, and check out this guide for what to expect during your first IUI.
Summary
Motherhood is a journey filled with unexpected and often disgusting realities that are rarely discussed. From the unglamorous aspects of childbirth to the chaos of toddlerhood, parents face challenges that can be both humorous and horrifying. While the joys of parenting are abundant, it’s essential to be prepared for the messier side of raising kids.