Parenting Insights
Twenty Questions I Can Never Quite Answer
By Callie Morgan
Updated: July 23, 2020
Originally Published: May 18, 2015
I’ve come across a statistic that suggests kids ask around 250 questions a day. Multiply that by my three children, and it’s no wonder I often find myself with a twitchy eyelid and a glass of wine in the shower.
Most of their questions are simple, requiring little thought—like, “Why are you shouting at that driver if he can’t hear you?” Honestly, it’s because they’re driving like a total jerk! But then there are those other questions—like, “Why do we have eyebrows?”—where I can only turn to Google for help.
Then there are the inquiries for which I know the answer, yet struggle to explain in a way that a child can grasp. Sometimes, the truths that adults accept without a second thought can spiral into a barrage of follow-up questions that could lead us both into complicated territory best avoided for the sake of future therapy sessions.
Here are 20 such questions, along with the answers that swirl in my mind:
- Where are the cows on that truck headed? To heaven, but it’s a tough journey.
- Why do you and Dad share a bed? Honestly, I’m not entirely sure. Most nights, I’m so wiped out from the chaos of the day or tipsy from wine that I can barely remember to set the alarm for the next day.
- What’s this song about? Wait—what the heck? How long have I been zoning out? Is that a lake? Is it still Tuesday?
- Why do you wear mascara? Because I’m a total hypocrite when I tell you to just be yourself and that true friends will love you for who you are.
- Where was I before I was born? Just like those cows, wherever that may be.
- Why do we need to make our beds? Because I had to do it when I was young. Now eat your breakfast!
- Anything involving time measurements. Oh my god, I just… it’s like… I don’t know how to explain it, it’s an HOUR! frantically looks for something to illustrate, finally pointing at a houseplant We’ll get to the zoo in two Sesame Streets and a Dora, alright?
- How did that baby get in her tummy? … Who wants ice cream!?
- How did I get out of your tummy? It was against the natural flow of things.
- Why is it thundering? Is that thunder? I thought my headache was just getting worse.
- Why do you forget things? Because I’ve done many things in my life that fried a lot of brain cells, and they were all fantastic.
- Why are you staring at your phone and not responding? Because I’d rather not.
- What is a tampon for? My body has a terrible way of delivering not-so-great news.
- Does everyone die? Yes. And that idea terrifies me, and it should scare you too.
- Why do we have to go to the dentist if we’re just going to die? Because I want you to find a good partner in life.
- Why don’t you have a job? Because you and your sisters are an endless source of demands, and so were my clients. Leaving them behind wasn’t illegal.
- What are hot dogs made of? Pure nightmares.
- If fast food is unhealthy, why do you always take us to Taco Bell? I’m just hoping that by the time you grow up, there’ll be a pill to undo all the damage I did to you as a child.
- Why do people drink beer? Because no matter how much laundry you complete, there will always be more waiting. Always.
- How does a falling star grant wishes if it’s just a rock? Because Santa isn’t real.
Despite the exhaustion, what I cherish most about kids is their unending sense of wonder and the new insights that continually shape their perspectives on life. I just hope they don’t discover on the playground why Mommy and Daddy really share a bed.
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Summary: Parenting often leads to a barrage of questions from children, many of which can leave parents stumped. This light-hearted look at 20 common questions illustrates the challenges and humor found in trying to explain complex topics to kids. Ultimately, the joy of parenting lies in marveling at children’s curiosity and wonder as they navigate their understanding of the world.