If you happen to swing by my home without prior notice—especially when it’s daytime and my partner is away—you should prepare for a rather unique experience. Fair warning: this might be your last visit.
- I likely haven’t showered. Sure, I might have managed to wash up yesterday, but today? Not a chance. So, please keep your distance. And don’t give me that judgmental look; yes, I know I’m a bit of a mess.
- My hair will be pulled into a messy bun, so greasy it holds its form without a hair tie. My 3-year-old enjoys wearing a bouncy ball on his head and proclaiming, “I’m Mommy!” Cute, right?
- You’ll find my arms crossed defensively, as I’m probably not wearing a bra. I might even be strategically holding a child in front of me, but if you’re lucky, I may hand them to you and dash to my room to remedy the situation.
- I’ll be visibly exhausted, with dark circles under my eyes, and you’ll notice my bare face—makeup is a luxury I can’t afford these days.
- Toys will be scattered everywhere.
- The aroma in the air will be a blend of dirty diapers and apple cinnamon air freshener. You can bet your visit coincides with a particularly messy diaper change or a “hidden” toddler accident. Sorry about that; it’s part of the chaotic charm of parenting.
- Expect sticky floors. It’s a toddler thing.
- There’s a good chance someone will be crying—50/50 odds it’ll be me.
- My kids will cling to you as if you’re an exotic creature they’ve never encountered before.
- Something will undoubtedly be simmering in my slow cooker; without it, we’d probably starve.
- There will likely be a load of laundry in the washer that I’ve rewashed for the umpteenth time this week. It’s incredibly frustrating, especially since I feel like I’m always doing laundry.
- You’ll also find a pile of laundry on the couch that I’ve folded and refolded daily for the past three days—thanks to the toddlers, of course.
- Good luck finding a seat on the couch! Where there isn’t laundry, there will be little boys leaping and yelling, “Cannonball!”
- I’ll have my kids showcase every new skill they’ve acquired. I’m so proud of their achievements and will expect you to feign enthusiasm too.
- Initially, I may feel embarrassed, but seeing you will bring me joy. I really could use a chat with someone who’s on my level.
- Your arrival will be even more delightful if you bring coffee—iced raspberry white mocha, if you please.
- I may leave you in a room with my kids, assuring you that I’ll be right back. When I return, I’ll have freshly washed hair, moisturized skin, clean clothes, and a refreshed perspective on life.
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In summary, if you decide to visit me unannounced, be prepared for a whirlwind of chaos, exhaustion, and perhaps a bit of fun. Despite the mess, I’ll be so grateful for your company!