When my partner and I first contemplated leaving the bustling streets of Manhattan, I was primarily concerned about food options. “We’ll end up starving or subsisting solely on pizza and takeout,” I worried aloud. “I’ll learn to cook!” he responded with enthusiasm. And he did just that. Fast forward to today, with two children in tow, and he has taken the reins in the kitchen. While I’ve dabbled in baking—covering breakfast and dessert—dinner remains entirely his domain.
When others find out he’s the chef, they often treat him like a culinary superhero. I can’t help but wonder, if I were the one preparing meals, would I earn that same recognition? Probably not.
In a thought-provoking article for the Huffington Post, dad blogger Jake Thompson recounted how he used to believe he deserved gratitude for waking up at night to tend to their baby, as if he was performing some extraordinary feat. His perspective shifted after some disagreements with his partner, leading him to realize his perspective was misguided.
This phenomenon isn’t isolated to a few dads; it seems pervasive even among the most progressive fathers. My partner is indeed a committed co-parent and household contributor, yet there are still moments where household responsibilities default to me without dialogue. This expectation originates not only from him but also from other parents, schools, and healthcare providers. Sometimes, I even perpetuate it myself.
For instance, when one of our children falls ill at school, my phone is the first number they dial. Party invitations and event notifications always land in my inbox. When planning summer activities, it’s me who sifts through options for camps and sitters. If the kids wake up in the middle of the night, I’m the one they seek. While I could list more instances, the crux of the matter goes beyond the notion that women are still shouldering a larger share of household and parenting duties. Though we’ve made strides, we clearly have a long way to go.
Here’s the kicker: We also want recognition. Just like fathers do.
I rise early, brewing coffee, clearing the dishwasher, prepping breakfast, and packing snacks to get the kids out the door. I ensure their wardrobes fit the changing seasons, organize school supplies, and buy birthday gifts for their friends. The list is extensive, and I would appreciate acknowledgment for my contributions.
When my partner senses my stress and steps in to help, I express my gratitude. So why are my daily contributions often taken for granted, while many fathers expect applause for their involvement?
The solution isn’t to stop appreciating dads; it’s to acknowledge that managing a household, especially with kids, is equally demanding for all parents. We all deserve thanks for navigating the chaos of school requests, parenting challenges, home repairs, and the myriad daily tasks that can feel overwhelming.
Whichever parent is up in the night with a baby or waiting up for a teenager deserves appreciation. That’s a given.
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In summary, while both mothers and fathers contribute significantly to family life, the recognition often skews in favor of fathers. It’s crucial to ensure that both parents receive equal appreciation for their efforts in managing household responsibilities.