Pumping is truly a challenging experience, both literally and figuratively. Who really wants to be tethered to a machine that awkwardly pulls and stretches your breast into a plastic contraption, allowing your precious milk to trickle into tiny bottles? Tina Fey aptly referred to breast pumps as “Williams-Sonoma Tit Juicers,” and I couldn’t agree more.
Each pumping session consumed at least 20 to 30 minutes of my time. Add in the cleanup of the equipment and the storage of the milk, and the entire ordeal stretched to about 30 to 40 minutes. That’s a significant chunk of time spent attached to a wall outlet, all while juggling the duties of motherhood, which may include caring for one or more children or working—or perhaps both.
And beware of knocking over your hard-earned milk after pumping! I’ve done that a few times in my foggy, sleep-deprived state, and it brought me to tears. I can’t even imagine the heartbreak of my friend who lost months’ worth of milk when her deep freezer failed; she had to throw it all away.
Then there are the bizarre places you find yourself pumping. One memorable occasion, my mother-in-law walked in on me pumping on the couch while balancing a bowl of cereal on my leg, bouncing my fussy baby in a bouncer with my other leg, and reading a book to my older child. I also figured out how to use my nursing bras to hold the pump while I graded papers and ate dinner. Once, I even managed to plug my pump into one outlet in the bathroom while simultaneously running my hair dryer and curling iron out of another, all to multitask getting ready for work and pumping.
Sure, there are portable breast pumps that let you walk around and engage in household chores, but they can cost a fortune—an expense that might dip into your children’s college savings. And honestly, who wants to manage cooking and cleaning while feeling like a walking zombie just trying to keep your little ones safe and sound? Just be cautious with caffeine, or you might end up in breastfeeding Hell.
I’ve pumped in various locations—bars, cars, and even in the shower (yes, really). When you choose to breastfeed, privacy is often a luxury you can’t afford. Most of the time, you’re pumping on the go, and it can get a little chaotic.
For instance, I know several friends who have pumped while driving on busy highways during rush-hour commutes. I, however, didn’t have the coordination for that and would have ended up lactating all over myself. But I did pump in the car while a friend was driving, including one memorable trip to a Girls’ Weekend. Unsure of how to keep the milk fresh for my daughter, I made the questionable decision to toss it out the window—only for it to stick to the car’s exterior. After sitting in the sun, it turned into a gooey paste that required an immediate car wash.
During the Girls’ Weekend, I carried my pump in a backpack, expressing milk and dumping it later since I was enjoying a few too many adult beverages. On the drive back, I learned how to pump and dispose of my milk in a rest stop bathroom. Necessity truly is the mother of invention.
Ultimately, while pumping may be a hassle, it’s a sacrifice worth making to provide my daughters with nutritious milk. After all, it’s a small price to pay for their health and well-being. If you’re interested in exploring more about home insemination, check out this post on the home insemination kit. For more insights into fertility journeys, Jamie Taylor’s experience can be found here, and don’t forget to visit this resource for information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, pumping is a laborious yet rewarding aspect of motherhood, filled with both challenges and triumphs. While it may not always be pretty, the journey of providing for your children is one that many mothers undertake, often in the most unexpected of circumstances.