I’m Not a Helicopter Parent—Time Just Doesn’t Allow It

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In today’s parenting landscape, “free-range parenting” seems to be the gold standard we all must aspire to. After all, it’s become apparent that hovering over our kids can lead to a host of dysfunctions. But honestly? I’m simply too busy to be that kind of parent.

My approach to parenting is more of a default free-range style, a result of my own disorganization. And you know what? I’m totally okay with that. I look forward to the day my child uses our bathtub and my makeup as a makeshift science lab to discover the next big medical breakthrough. As long as my kids are entertained—preferably not by me—I consider it a win.

Let’s be clear: this isn’t because I don’t care. I love my kids deeply, which is why I believe they need their own space to explore, think, and even plot their next big adventure. I’m not the type of mom who engages in active play; rather, I’m the observer enjoying my coffee while crafting endless to-do lists that often stay untouched. But hey, it’s the thought that counts, right? I’ve already done my part by bringing them into this world and providing them with organic snacks—yes, even CHEDDAR BUNNIES!

So, this idea of free-range parenting? Apparently, we are meant to schedule time for not supervising our kids. Cue the laughter. We’re encouraged to set aside screen-free moments so our children can unleash their imaginations in the great outdoors of our suburban backyards. Meanwhile, we stand by, worrying they might get a scratch despite being decked out in layers of knee pads and a helmet worthy of a space mission. We’re told this will prevent any sense of failure when Harvard doesn’t roll out the red carpet based solely on attendance.

I actually have the opposite issue: I need to carve out time to supervise my kids. Ugh, what a chore. Between working full-time from home, my husband managing his own business, and my own demanding hobbies like online shopping and indulging in sweet snacks in secret, I’m stretched thin.

If my kids want to run around while I lounge in a chair, sipping coffee and flipping through a magazine (or Elle Décor, for a change of pace!), then feel free to call child services. I’ll simply explain that I’m practicing free-range parenting, and science backs me up. Honestly, if someone wants to take my kids for a bit, that would be just fine with me! After all, I’ve been searching for a reliable babysitter.

But rest assured, my children are sticking to their organic snacks!

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Summary

In a world where free-range parenting is becoming the norm, one parent reflects on their default style, driven by busyness rather than choice. Emphasizing the importance of giving kids space to grow and learn independently, they humorously critique the pressures of modern parenting, all while acknowledging the need for balance in their own life.