There are days when I feel as if my weight defines me. Today is one of those days. The relentless cycle of negative thoughts wraps around me like a heavy blanket. I can feel the weight pressing down, almost suffocating. Each step I take reminds me of the uncomfortable friction between my thighs, and none of my clothes fit comfortably—they cling awkwardly to me in all the wrong places.
When I look in the mirror, I see a reflection that criticizes me. It whispers that I am not enough. The food I consume feels like an adversary, expanding my body and clouding my mind with guilt. I despise the endless counting of calories and the way I scrutinize my own body, pinching the skin beneath my rib cage. The thought of getting dressed fills me with dread.
In the past, I would have let these feelings dictate my actions. I would hide away, skip meals, and over-exercise, allowing myself to sink into the shadows of despair. I would lose myself in the darkness, vanishing from view.
But this is no longer my reality. Today, I have you: my vibrant, enchanting boys. You serve as a daily reminder of the beauty in each moment. You pull me back from the edge of self-doubt and illuminate my life with joy.
So today, I refuse to hide. I will slip into my favorite sweatpants, the elastic waistband a comforting embrace against my scars—the marks left behind by bringing you into this world. I will cherish those scars, for they represent the incredible journey of motherhood.
I will not deny myself food. Instead, I’ll invite you to help me bake cookies, sharing laughter as we sneak bites of dough and lick the beaters. I’ll wipe flour off your faces, relishing in the sweetness of those moments without letting guilt take hold.
Looking in the mirror, I will smile at the woman you call “Mom.” I will let her confidence shine, pushing aside the negative image that once taunted me. I will bounce you on my lap, give you piggyback rides, and dance around to our favorite songs, embracing the strength of my body that allows me to play with you.
My weight? It’s just a number, a superficial concern. But you? You are my true treasure, a weight I willingly carry in my heart.
Yes, there will still be days when I feel less than perfect. Healing is a process, and I acknowledge my moments of weakness. But I also choose to embrace happiness, gratitude, and a sense of worthiness. I feel blessed because of you.
Thank you for being the light that guides me.
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In summary, my children have fundamentally changed the way I view my body and my weight. With their love and joy, I have learned to embrace my self-worth and appreciate every moment of motherhood.