Why Complaining About Your Child’s Birthday Gifts is a No-Go

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Children’s birthday parties are a wonderful celebration — that is, until they devolve into a competition over gifts. It’s one thing for a child to be let down by their birthday loot, but when a parent feels the need to keep score? That’s a whole different ballgame. If you find yourself tallying the gifts received by your child against those given to others, it might be time to reassess your priorities or simply stop attending birthday gatherings.

Recently, a mother reached out to a parenting advice column, venting about the unfairness of gift-giving when she has only one child in a world filled with multi-kid families. Her logic seems to be that more children equal more birthdays and, therefore, more presents. She outlines her frustration in a letter:

“I usually spend around $30 on a gift for each child, plus another $30 for the sibling when their birthday comes around. Yet, when our one child receives a gift from a family with two kids, it’s only valued at $30 and is signed by both kids. We also host our daughter’s party at an expensive venue like the zoo, paying admission for each of their children. Shouldn’t we expect a gift from every attendee, or at least a more valuable combined gift?”

What’s her suggestion? That there be a single, all-encompassing birthday gift for families with multiple children to avoid perceived inequity? This seems unreasonable. If she feels burdened by the costs of extravagant birthday parties, perhaps she should reconsider her choices instead of expecting others to match her spending.

Ultimately, a child’s birthday celebration should center on joy and fun, not a financial tally of gifts. There’s no universal guideline for how much to spend on a gift, and imposing such expectations only detracts from the spirit of the occasion.

For the mother in question, perhaps the solution lies in expanding her family or choosing friends without siblings. After all, families with more kids often have a different approach to gift-giving.

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In summary, it’s essential to remember that birthday parties are about celebrating children, not comparing gifts. Letting go of the need to quantify and keep score can lead to more fulfilling and joyful celebrations.