Updated: July 2, 2020
Originally Published: May 11, 2015
Are those Facebook notifications ever genuinely helpful? You anticipate something significant, only to find out it’s just a comment on an unflattering photo of yourself. Let’s explore 33 notifications that would truly benefit mothers.
- Good morning! Your caffeine intake is below the recommended level. Time for another 1.5 cups of coffee.
- Don’t forget your sweater.
- It’s 10:00 a.m. Have you had breakfast? Those toast crusts your child discarded don’t count.
- Another political candidate has entered the race. Should you mute your brother’s updates?
- Tina Fey just made a hilarious joke. Time to indulge in that cup of coffee.
- A politician has replied. Maybe it’s time to mute your cousin’s feed too?
- Your moms’ group is spiraling into The Drama of The Gifted Child.
- Lots of #blessed posts today. Remember, not everyone expresses themselves the same way—everyone has their own unique voice.
- Time for some neck stretches—are you turning into a shepherd’s crook?
- Did Mother’s Day revolve entirely around you? Don’t forget, you have a mother too—surprise!
- Warning: Your coworker is about to blame you for their failure.
- Heads up: Your child is using a turkey baster to poke holes in the screen door.
- Now is the perfect moment for buying a home; the real estate market has shifted.
- Palazzo pants can be flattering—if you find the right pair.
- Here are three charming Craftsman bungalows, just slightly beyond your budget.
- That leftover combo you brought for lunch? It’s a bit questionable. Treat yourself to a fancy cookie.
- If you have this much downtime at work, why not outline that novel you’ve been thinking about?
- A Labradoodle is not a “real” dog. Or is it?
- Your novel’s structure feels a bit loose. We need to believe your character would genuinely hesitate like that. Sure, you want it to reflect the stifling circumstances of middle-class mothers, but remember—you’re not Chekhov.
- It’s 4:45 p.m. Here’s what’s in your freezer: some old squash soup you didn’t enjoy the first time, plus a single scoop of mashed potatoes your spouse was too thrifty to discard.
- At 4:52 p.m., if you leave now, you can grab a rotisserie chicken.
- 5:01 p.m. Too late for the store now. Looks like it’s tuna fish sandwiches for dinner.
- Spin it as “picnic night!”
- You don’t have exact change for the babysitter. Swing by the store for something that’ll give you a ten and a few singles.
- If you had stopped earlier, you could have picked up that rotisserie chicken. Nobody wears pantyhose from an egg anymore.
- You think you deserve a medal for putting your phone down for the 32 minutes of dinner and bath time? You’re acting like a model parent, but really, you’re just avoiding the headlines: “Toddler drives off while mom checks Facebook.”
- You actually have time to exercise or practice the guitar; it’s still three hours until bedtime.
- [Hollow laugh]
- If you don’t put your phone down immediately, Facebook will invade your dreams all night long.
- Twitter may want to be cool, but it can’t compete with the vast reach of the old FB. Fine, go ahead and check.
- That bird swooping down when the app opens is unsettling, right? Better return to Facebook.
- Pinching the bridge of your nose can relieve that tension headache. This isn’t how you want to spend your life—others are mastering music or honing survival skills.
- Today is your birthday!
This article was originally published on May 11, 2015. Explore more about home insemination kits and parenting tips on our other blog posts.
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Summary
This article humorously suggests 33 practical Facebook notifications that would genuinely benefit mothers, from reminders about self-care to amusing reflections on parenting realities. These notifications aim to resonate with the daily lives of moms, offering both support and a touch of humor.