Last Friday, I suddenly found myself feeling nauseous. Throughout the afternoon, I experienced cramps and felt an overwhelming urge to take a nap. I decided to cancel my evening plans, and then I received a text from a friend that read: “Maybe you’re expecting! Or perhaps you had undercooked chicken. It’s a thin line between pregnancy and food poisoning.”
Indeed, there is a very fine line between the two, which is far from convenient. As someone actively trying to conceive and who frequently eats at questionable eateries (looking at you, food court!), I can’t help but wonder what on earth Mother Nature was thinking when she created this whole process. It feels almost like she’s playing a cruel joke. To make matters worse, the symptoms of PMS are nearly identical to those of early pregnancy—how hilarious, right?
Mother Nature, you designed butterflies that are breathtakingly beautiful. They exhibit intricate patterns and vibrant colors. Bravo! Yet, you couldn’t clarify the differences between the signs of a new life, bad chicken, and PMS? Come on!
3 Minutes Inside My Head:
I feel bloated. These jeans are constricting. I might be pregnant! Oh wait, I just need to use the bathroom. Also, these are size 4 jeans—who am I kidding? That’s a relief. Definitely not pregnant.
Why am I tearing up at this commercial? So emotional! I must be pregnant. But honestly, it was a touching ad; anyone would feel moved, right?
Yet these cramps do NOT feel typical. This isn’t how my period usually feels—at least, I can’t quite remember what it’s supposed to feel like. But I’m sure I don’t usually find myself urinating this frequently.
Except when I drink juice. That happens every time I have juice, so it could just be that. But between the frequent trips to the bathroom and the sore breasts, I’m leaning towards pregnancy. Unless my bra is just too tight, which could definitely contribute to that sensation along with the juice.
However, the heightened sensitivity to smells is really throwing me off. I can smell EVERYTHING! Sure, my partner is eating garlic bread, which is quite potent, but never this intense. No one’s nose can be this sensitive! Plus, I’ve been feeling queasy—what a promising sign! Unless it’s not, considering that cheese I had earlier was past its expiration date.
Since clarity doesn’t seem to be a priority for Mother Nature, I’ve put together a handy reference guide to help decipher whether we’re pregnant, suffering from food poisoning, or just experiencing PMS:
Quick Reference Guide:
- Cramps can occur in cases of implantation, PMS, or food poisoning.
- Bleeding may happen due to either implantation or PMS.
- Vomiting is indicative of both pregnancy and food poisoning.
- Constipation can signal pregnancy or simply overeating.
- Fatigue can be a symptom of sickness, pregnancy, or just being a parent or staying up too late binge-watching your favorite show.
- Tender breasts may indicate pregnancy or could merely be the result of excessive poking in an attempt to figure out if they’re sore, which you’re doing because that’s a telltale sign of pregnancy.
I hope this helps clear things up a bit! Now, come on, Mother Nature, get it together; you’re causing confusion (though I do commend your butterfly designs).
This article was originally published on May 8, 2015. For more insights, check out our other posts on home insemination kits, like this one. If you’re interested in deeper knowledge, this source has valuable information, and this link offers great guidance on what to expect during your first insemination.
Summary:
Navigating the signs of pregnancy, food poisoning, and PMS can be confusing due to overlapping symptoms. This article humorously explores the struggles of discerning between these experiences and provides a helpful reference guide.