My choice to explore OkCupid wasn’t exactly a well-thought-out decision. For the past year, I had been enjoying my single status, hardly thinking about dating. Friends and family had tried to set me up, but I wasn’t interested. Dating felt like a chore. After a long 12-year relationship that ended in divorce and another four years with someone who was a poor match, I was ready to take a break. Following my split from my ex-boyfriend a year ago, my plan was simple: adopt more cats and dive into tennis and crocheting.
And it went surprisingly well. I learned tennis well enough to join a doubles league, and I even crafted a lovely scarf for myself (the cat adoption will have to wait). I took trips with my kids, reconnected with old friends, and tackled a pile of books that had been collecting dust.
Life was pleasant, but while I was content, I wasn’t having much fun. So when a friend extolled the virtues of OkCupid, I thought, why not give it a shot? I figured I could go on a few casual dates and meet new people without any serious commitment.
I began the sign-up process on Sunday afternoon, just before heading out for the day. I had just enough time to select a username and upload a photo. Upon returning home, I found myself bombarded with eight messages and a staggering 78 likes—all based on a fuzzy image of me with my kids cropped out, my age, and my username. Talk about deep connections! The messages varied from genuine compliments (“You have a beautiful smile! I’d love to know you better”) to outright creepy propositions (“Hey gorgeous, when can I come over?”).
I uploaded a few more photos and began answering the seemingly endless stream of questions OkCupid uses to figure out compatibility. They started innocuously enough (“Could you date someone messy?”) but quickly delved into intimate territory (“How often do you engage in self-pleasure?”). Thankfully, I could skip the ones I didn’t want to answer. I completed about 30 questions and avoided at least a dozen.
By bedtime, I had received another 10 messages, none of which seemed to stem from anyone who’d actually read my profile. Intriguingly, most of them had a “50 percent or higher Enemy” rating, indicating we had opposing answers to the match questions. Scanning the site, I saw plenty of guys who matched well with me—so why were all my “enemies” the only ones reaching out?
Monday morning brought even more messages (the best one from a gentleman named Tom, who signed off with “Tom cares”) and another 50 likes. So what exactly is a “like”? If you click like on someone’s profile and they like you back, a little pop-up encourages you to reach out. I liked four or five profiles and got one match—a single dad who enjoys music. Promising! I made a mental note to contact him.
To my surprise, while browsing profiles of strong matches, I stumbled upon a guy I recognized from college. We had been part of the same entering class, though we hadn’t interacted much. His profile revealed we had several shared interests, so I sent a brief message saying, “Hey, I think we might know each other,” and headed off to work.
He replied immediately, and we arranged to meet for drinks a few days later. Exciting, though I wasn’t entirely certain if it was a date or just two old acquaintances catching up.
If I was going to explore this dating scene, I wanted to commit. I reached out to the single dad who liked me along with three others who didn’t seem like potential serial killers. Unlike the messages I was receiving, I aimed to make mine engaging and relevant. Only the single dad responded. We exchanged a few emails, and while he seemed nice, I grew weary of the back-and-forth and sensed he wasn’t keen on meeting in person.
By the next day, I had amassed over 200 likes and 43 messages. Flattering, yes, but the superficiality and lack of effort from my admirers were starting to wear on me. I understand it’s a numbers game—sending out 20 messages might yield three or four responses, and perhaps one of those could lead to an actual date—but I wasn’t sure I was up for that level of effort.
After receiving a series of increasingly unsettling messages from one individual, I decided to take a break from my profile. While I believe there are genuinely nice guys on OkCupid—my college acquaintance being a prime example, along with a friend of his who recently married the first woman he met through the site—I wasn’t connecting with them.
Nevertheless, my brief time on OkCupid wasn’t a total bust. My first date with the college friend went smoothly and felt genuinely like a date. Good thing I wore heels! He’s preparing dinner for me this weekend, and I must say, OkCupid provided an intriguing sociological experiment.
Insights from My Experience
- Men in their forties generally prefer to date women who are 10-15 years younger. Many, like my college friend, are keen on marriage and family, which is less likely with women their age.
- Men across the board seem to think women are incredibly interested in their physical attributes. Gentlemen, if I want to see you naked, I promise I will let you know. Until then, keep it under wraps.
- Sixty-something men with beards evidently find me quite appealing. While there are merits to dating older or younger men, I plan to stick with those closer to my age—beards optional.
- Many men ignore the specifics of what women are looking for or whether the algorithm indicates compatibility. If you reply, you’re a match.
I’m not giving up on online dating entirely. There’s something exciting about knowing that many other singles are also in search of their Ms. Right or Ms. Right for the Night. However, I think a site like Coffee Meets Bagel—which sends a single match per day and doesn’t allow you to search profiles or get contact info until there’s mutual interest—might suit me better.
In summary, my brief exploration of OkCupid yielded mixed results. While I encountered a variety of personalities and even reconnected with an old acquaintance, I also faced a fair share of superficial interactions and unwelcome advances. Moving forward, I remain open to the world of online dating while considering platforms that might offer a more curated experience. If you’re exploring options for starting a family, check out Make a Mom for insights on boosting fertility, or visit Fertility Services in Leesburg for professional guidance. For those seeking comprehensive information on infertility resources, Mount Sinai provides excellent support.