Parenting
Reflections of a Reformed Procrastinator
by Jake Thompson
Updated: Dec. 20, 2015
Originally Published: May 1, 2015
I always dreaded hearing those words. I can clearly remember my half-hearted attempts to clean. I’d pick up a few stray popcorn kernels, yet the rest of the mess would remain untouched as I slinked back to the couch to watch my favorite show. My father had to return repeatedly, and I secretly hoped that if I made him come back enough times, he would throw up his hands and just take over. But he never did. He insisted I complete the task, and wouldn’t let me off the hook until everything was spotless.
Now, as I navigate parenthood with my own 8-year-old son, I see those same traits in him—the impatience, the desire to rush back to his cartoons, and the irritation when I critique his efforts. When he sweeps, it’s almost theatrical, as if he can convey sarcasm through a broom. Can an 8-year-old sweep with attitude? Apparently so.
I believe there’s a certain formula at play here: the more a father insists, “Do it right,” the less likely the child will actually do so. In simpler terms, nagging seems to produce the exact opposite of the desired outcome. I remember clearly how my father’s attempts to instill a work ethic only fueled my rebelliousness. He would emphasize the importance of doing my best, but the more he stressed it, the more I resisted. I aimed to do the bare minimum, thinking I could outlast his persistence.
But I didn’t win that battle. He prevailed. His philosophy was straightforward: If you want to stall, fine, but we’ll keep at it until every last piece of popcorn is cleaned up.
When did I finally see the light? I can’t pinpoint the exact moment, but I think it was around middle school—perhaps even later. Eventually, I came to appreciate the satisfaction of looking back at my completed work and feeling a sense of pride. I began to tackle my responsibilities, not just for the sake of my father, but for my own fulfillment.
One of my goals as a parent is to inspire that same sense of pride in my son. Occasionally, I do witness moments of success—like when he tidies up on his own, leaving a space cleaner than he found it. Those moments send me into a frenzy of excitement. I can’t help but show my wife and call friends to brag about his accomplishments.
However, I’d say that for the most part, my son still resides firmly in the “slacker” zone when it comes to chores. I’ve made a conscious effort to avoid nagging, opting for a calm and straightforward approach: “You’re not quite finished yet.” I hope that by keeping things less confrontational, he’ll eventually embrace the importance of completing tasks.
It seems to be a rite of passage for fathers and sons to butt heads over such matters. After chatting with other dads, we’ve concluded that having a coach or mentor teach our kids is often far more effective, as they seem to listen better to someone outside of the family. Much to my chagrin, it’s usually the same lessons I’ve been trying to impart, which they roll their eyes at.
I knew this phase was coming, the era when I’m no longer the ultimate authority in my son’s life. He has more stubbornness in him than I ever did. Yet, my approach won’t waver. I’ll remain here, watching him until he figures it out. I’ve even got a bowl of popcorn ready for when he finally gets it.
This article was originally published on May 1, 2015.
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Summary:
In the journey of parenting, the struggle between fathers and sons often revolves around chores and work ethic. The author reflects on his own childhood experiences with procrastination and how he is now attempting to instill a sense of pride and responsibility in his son. Although there are challenges, he remains committed to guiding his son through these lessons, hoping to inspire a sense of accomplishment along the way.