Last night, my partner left for a three-day business trip, and I have to admit, I’m not fond of his absence. I miss him terribly, and I can’t sleep without the bathroom light on—yes, I’m that person! Yet, if I’m being truthful, I do appreciate a little time apart. It means less laundry, fewer grocery trips, and unrestricted access to the TV. Finally, I can indulge in watching my guilty pleasure, The Real Housewives of New York, without the usual barrage of questions from him about why I subject myself to it—though, I still hear, “Wait, is Bethenny back?”
It turns out I’m not alone in appreciating this kind of space. Research from Northwestern University’s Family Institute indicates that couples who live apart for most of the week, often because of work commitments, report higher levels of happiness and overall well-being compared to those who share the same living space full-time. The Boston Globe cites that these long-distance couples experience lower rates of depression, reduced fatigue, healthier diets, and increased physical activity.
What’s behind this phenomenon? Steve Du Bois, a co-author of the study and a research fellow at Northwestern, suggests that couples who maintain some distance enjoy greater independence, allowing them to exercise, socialize, and get uninterrupted sleep—crucial components for mental and physical health. Maybe I should consider sending the kids out tonight, hitting the treadmill, and making some dinner plans.
However, while these long-distance relationships may foster personal growth, couples often face increased stress over individual issues and experience heightened conflict with one another. The Globe also notes a decrease in sexual frequency among these couples (shocking, right?), along with a slight decline in actions that support relationship maintenance, such as expressing love, discussing feelings, and sharing household duties.
Du Bois notes that these factors might contribute to the elevated stress levels found in long-distance partnerships and expresses a desire to conduct further research to identify strategies for managing these challenges. As long as he waits until my favorite show goes on hiatus, I’m all for it.
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In summary, while some couples may thrive on the independence that comes with living apart, they also face unique challenges that can impact their relationships. Balancing personal well-being with connection is key to navigating these dynamics successfully.