Updated: August 21, 2015
Originally Published: April 25, 2015
Every parent deserves a night out every now and then, especially when it comes to unwinding with a few drinks. However, as seasoned parents know, enjoying those cocktails comes with its own set of challenges. The responsibility of caring for children can feel increasingly overwhelming with each drink consumed. While I wouldn’t equate the experience of a hangover to the stages of grief, I found myself navigating through familiar phases after a recent evening spent with friends.
The Stages of Parenting with a Hangover:
- Denial: This phase hits you like a freight train. You open one bleary eye and immediately panic when you realize it’s Saturday—no calling in sick today. Your children have snuggled into your bed, and you naively think that a couple of Advil and a fizzy drink will fix everything. It can’t be that bad, can it? But as you turn your head too quickly, nausea hits, and you secretly wish for a trapdoor to open up beneath you. Realistically, unless you live in a sinkhole-prone area, that’s not happening.
- Embarrassment: Denial gives way to embarrassment when your oldest child innocently asks why you are clutching a half-eaten taco from last night. Quick! Redirect their attention by demanding they tackle their homework. “But it’s Saturday!” they remind you. Curse you, Saturday!
- Anger: Move swiftly through this phase. While it feels satisfying to imagine revenge on the bartender who poured that last drink, remember that she’s not the real enemy. That Lego piece didn’t just leap into your foot’s path, nor did that wall intentionally block your way. And let’s face it, you made the choice to have kids, so blaming them won’t help.
- Bargaining: Trying to reason with children is often a lost cause, and attempting to do so while grappling with a hangover is even less effective. Kids can sense weakness, much like dogs, and will certainly test boundaries. If you find yourself in the bargaining phase, accept that a Snickers bar for breakfast is a likely outcome. No child has been irreparably harmed by this choice, and the candy can buy you a precious moment of peace while you curl up on the couch.
- Sighing: This phase is dominated by sighs. A lot of them.
- Depression: Here, self-pity reaches new heights. You realize that there are still hours left in the day, and your children will be awake for most of them. Sadness clings to you like your favorite pair of jeans from before pregnancy. It’s perfectly okay to shed a few tears. The thought of driving to grab a chocolate shake crosses your mind, but then you remember the possibility of getting pulled over for driving under the influence. Cue more tears.
- Acceptance: After the chaos of shouting, crying, and sighing, you finally come to terms with the fact that today is simply not your day. You brought this upon yourself. It’s time to embrace the reality: you will parent from the couch, still in your pajamas, ordering pizza for all meals, and counting down the minutes until bedtime. You swear off alcohol for the foreseeable future and reconsider the idea of having more children.
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Summary:
Navigating the challenges of parenting while nursing a hangover can be a daunting experience. From denial and embarrassment to acceptance, the emotional rollercoaster reveals the unique struggles faced by parents after a night of indulgence. With humor and honesty, this guide highlights the various stages of hungover parenting, offering a relatable glimpse into the life of parents balancing fun and responsibility. For additional insights on home insemination techniques, visit Make A Mom and explore expert advice on the subject from Intracervical Insemination.