My partner and I have shared a long journey together, and our relationship serves as the cornerstone of our family. There are moments when it feels like we’re merely co-managers in a bustling household, catering to the constant needs of our children. However, on other days, our bond is strong enough to withstand the whirlwind of family life.
I don’t subscribe to a rigid hierarchy of who takes precedence in my life; instead, I strive to meet everyone’s needs as they arise. Each day brings its own challenges—sometimes a child requires extra attention, other times my husband needs more of my time, and there are even moments when I yearn to be the focus. Not to mention, our dog often requires a walk! My family dynamic doesn’t fit into a neat framework like Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
This is why I find it puzzling when some women assert that they prioritize their husbands over their children. I recently came across a piece by Lily Parker on YourTango titled “Why I’ll Always Put My Husband Before My Kids.” In her article, she emphasizes that a strong marriage models healthy relationships for children and serves as the foundation of their family. While I resonate with these sentiments, I take issue when she claims, “I love my kids and would do anything for them. But I love my husband more.”
I could never voice that sentiment. I wouldn’t even think to tell my children that I love anyone more than them. Love isn’t a limited resource; it’s an endless, boundless ocean. I can’t quantify my love for my husband and compare it to my love for others, just as I can’t choose a favorite ice cream flavor or color.
I have a unique love for each of my three children, my husband, my parents, my sister, and my closest friends. Some days, it’s easier to show love to one person over another, while other days, someone may need a bit more affection. There are even times when I feel depleted but strive to push through—such is the nature of family life, a balancing act of individual quirks and requirements.
The idea of prioritizing my husband over my kids is not a binary choice. We still make time for date nights and solo getaways without me pledging that he is my top priority.
Interestingly, a survey conducted by YourTango revealed that 48% of respondents believe that wives should put their husbands first. This notion feels somewhat outdated and almost unsettling. Did they ask if husbands should prioritize their wives? Probably not, as that would sound odd. Society often expects men to prioritize work, family, and hobbies, without the same scrutiny on their ranking of loved ones. It seems only women face this pressure to categorize their affections.
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In conclusion, love is a complex and expansive emotion that cannot be neatly categorized. Each relationship holds its own significance, and I believe that we can nurture multiple connections without diminishing any of them.