Let’s get something straight from the outset: I am utterly sleep deprived. And speaking of rest, I wish I could collapse on a table or chest for a quick nap right now—if only it were that simple.
Oh, but I can’t. I’ve got three delightful little sleep thieves in my home who seem to have completely bypassed the sleep gene altogether. You want to know why? Well, pull up a chair, because I’ve been puzzling over that for years without any real answers. What I do know is this: sleep and I have a complicated relationship. I adore it, yet I can barely remember what it feels like. It’s just a distant memory from my college days when I could actually expect to sleep for a full eight hours—what a thought!
My children, on the other hand, have a passionate aversion to sleep, reminiscent of how most kids feel about eating their vegetables. You’d think someone told them that sleep equates to a never-ending supply of sauerkraut!
And believe me, we have our fair share of sleep issues. Night terrors? Check. Bedwetting? Check. A nursing addiction that extends well beyond societal norms? Oh, you bet! As for the methods we’ve tried—attachment parenting? A resounding failure. Cry it out? Nope, didn’t work. Essential oils, later bedtimes, early bedtimes? Fail, fail, fail. In the ongoing struggle for some much-needed rest—“Please, for the love of my ever-expanding wrinkles… SLEEP!”—my kids are solidly winning. If there were a contest for the nation’s top miniature insomniacs, my children would be the reigning champions. I’d be the unfortunate candidate who dozed off mid-speech.
Today, from the depths of my sleep-deprived state, I want to reach out to all the fellow SD moms out there. Here’s a glimpse into the chaotic minds of exhausted mothers when you share how well your children sleep.
An Internal Dialogue of a Sleep-Deprived Mom
Me: Hey there! Great to see you. I’m really dragging this morning; the kids were up all night.
You: Oh, really? Mine slept quite well!
My Mind: I bet she doesn’t mean every night.
Me: That’s awesome! It’s nice to have a few nights like that a month.
You: Actually, they sleep well every night. They’re great sleepers.
My Mind: Don’t you dare walk away. Just keep talking; she must be lying.
Me: Really? That’s… that’s…
My Mind: Just say “awesome.” Don’t say “annoying.”
Me: Awesome.
You: Yeah, it’s great! I can’t imagine how I’d cope without sleep.
My Mind: Exactly! You’d be just like me! Do you think I used to dress like this and have greasy hair before sleep deprivation?
Me: But your five-week-old isn’t sleeping through the night yet?
You: Not at all! He started sleeping twelve hours a night from just six days old.
My Mind: She’s definitely fibbing. Just get up and leave. But she’s so nice; I can’t just ghost her.
Me: So, when did your other kids start sleeping through the night? Later than that, right?
You: It took a while, but they finally did around six weeks.
My Mind: Did she just say “finally” about six weeks? I’ll be lucky if mine sleep through the night by age six!
Me: So, you must have had a tough crying-it-out phase to get them to sleep so well?
You: Not really. I’ve never had to let them cry; they just love sleep.
My Mind: Don’t feel bad; she just has the best luck of anyone in existence. If I were a gambler, she’d be my go-to.
Me: Do you gamble?
You: Excuse me?
Me: Oh, I’m sorry. I’m just in total shambles today.
My Mind: Which is clearly not true; look at her polished nails!
Me: By the way, I love your nails!
You: Thanks! I did them last night while the kids were in bed.
My Mind: Is she trying to flaunt her free time? Oh wait, that’s what happens when your kids don’t wake you up every fifteen minutes. Someday, I’ll get to lay my head down on a pillow and actually sleep…
Me: So, this might sound silly, but it’s been so long, I can hardly remember. How does one actually sleep?
You: Well, I lay down, and sometimes it takes about ten minutes, and then… um, hey, are you awake?
Me: *snore*
My Mind: I’ll just watch her kids; wow, she looks rough.
My Mind: Genius idea! Maybe I should befriend more rested mothers!
For even more support on this journey, check out our posts on boosting fertility supplements at Make a Mom, or find expert advice on makeup for tired moms at Intracervical Insemination. Plus, don’t miss this excellent resource on what to expect with your first IUI at Parents.
In summary, sleep-deprived mothers often find themselves in a whirlwind of emotions when faced with friends whose children sleep soundly. It’s a complex blend of congratulations, envy, and a longing for the days of uninterrupted rest, all wrapped in a light-hearted internal dialogue.