Recently, one of my children was experiencing a spell of feeling less “popular” than he desired. Rather than delve into the complexities of popularity or whether it’s a worthwhile concept, the crux of the matter was that my usually outgoing son was sensing some distance from friends, leading him to become irritable and somewhat moody.
We navigated the standard conversations about what others had said or done and how our behavior influences the way we’re perceived. We discussed how overexerting oneself to fit in can sometimes yield the opposite effect. He was partially engaged, processing my words to some extent. Finally, I proposed an exercise: I would mention several people, and he was to share the first three words that came to his mind about each individual. I listed a few friends, family members, a teacher, and a classmate. He responded with various descriptors: “funny,” “smart,” “energetic,” “a bit flashy,” and “kind.”
Then, I posed a thought-provoking question: “When others hear your name or see you enter a room, what three words do you hope they think of?” He paused, contemplating. He suggested positive words like “funny, cool, interesting,” which I could easily see reflecting his personality. However, I gently pointed out that given his recent demeanor, those might not be the impressions he was currently leaving. He agreed, acknowledging that these words might not align with how he viewed himself lately.
We explored how his chosen words could be more reflective, not just in terms of others’ perceptions, but in how he genuinely felt about himself. I offered him a chance to hold up a metaphorical mirror, encouraging self-reflection. What I appreciated about this interaction was its collaborative nature; although I guided the conversation, he was the one unraveling his own feelings. This approach fostered a more constructive dialogue, steering clear of the typical confrontational tone that can arise.
As I anticipate the usual evening challenges, I felt a sense of accomplishment from that conversation. More importantly, my son did too. I believe moments like this deserve recognition (and maybe a quiet celebration once the kids are asleep).
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In summary, through engaging conversations and self-reflection, we can help our children navigate their emotions and perceptions, fostering personal growth and understanding.