How often have children, from little ones to adults, uttered the phrase, “You were right, Mom”? It’s no secret that mothers possess a wealth of knowledge, making them the ideal go-to for life’s challenging questions. Meet Lisa Thompson, a mother of five ranging from ages 5 to 17, and the author behind the popular blog, The Happiest Home. Her latest book, The Happiest Mom: 10 Secrets to Enjoying Motherhood, offers valuable insights for moms seeking to enhance satisfaction in every aspect of their lives. Lisa is here as our resident mom, ready to provide guidance… The Mom.
Dear Lisa,
I’ve raised my three sons as a single parent for nearly their entire lives. Their father has been inconsistent, offering little financial support despite having a stable job. My two older boys are now young adults who have thrived with my assistance, but my youngest, “Ethan,” has always been my “baby.” Recently, at 16, he chose to run away to live with his dad.
It has been nine months since he left. Ethan’s academic performance has plummeted from As and Bs to Ds and Fs, and despite counseling and my patience, he refuses to return. According to Ethan’s girlfriend, his dad and his new partner (who doesn’t know us) are making negative statements about my parenting. Ethan is so influenced that he won’t even engage in phone calls or visits.
Now that he’s 17, the court system can’t compel him to come home. His brothers still keep in touch but are reluctant to intervene.
Can you offer some guidance? I’m feeling lost and deeply miss him!
Sincerely,
Heartbroken Mom
Dear Heartbroken,
I understand how excruciating it can be to deal with teenagers who, at times, seem to shatter your heart. I can relate personally; when I was around Ethan’s age, I left my mother to live with my father in a different state. The circumstances were different, but the emotional toll was the same: my mother was heartbroken, while I coped by distancing myself.
Teenagers can be self-absorbed and immature as they navigate complex emotions and relationships. It sounds like Ethan is experiencing some parental alienation from his father and his girlfriend, which complicates his ability to see the situation clearly.
While it may be difficult to hear, I believe you should allow things to unfold naturally and trust that Ethan will find his way back to you in his own time. Since you lack legal options, it’s important not to force the issue, as that could push him further away.
On a positive note, Ethan is approaching adulthood and will soon have the opportunity to establish his own life. Once he moves out of his dad’s house, he may find it easier to manage relationships with both of you without feeling torn.
Consider writing him a letter expressing your love and letting him know your door is always open. Assure him that you support his relationship with his dad and that you won’t hold it against him. When he’s ready, you’d love to reconnect, perhaps over dinner or a phone call.
As you’ve experienced with your older sons, one of the hardest lessons in parenting is learning to let go. I wish I could assure you that a reconnection will happen soon. Regardless of what unfolds, it’s crucial to focus on creating a fulfilling life for yourself while you wait for Ethan to navigate his feelings.
You seem to have a nurturing nature, and perhaps directing your energy towards another cause or person might help you find joy while you’re waiting.
Sending you strength and hoping for Ethan’s eventual return,
Lisa