Dear Sons,
As you navigate through life, there are countless lessons I wish to impart. I want to guide you on how to grow into strong, respectful men who honor both yourselves and others. Yet, today, I want to share some light-hearted but pivotal truths that will certainly ease your journey as you mature. Here’s what you need to know:
- Your manhood is secure; no need to worry about it falling off. Attempting to remove it in protest won’t solve anything.
- It’s never acceptable to sit on someone’s face. Just don’t do it.
- Toothbrushes are designed for cleaning teeth, not for other body parts.
- Baths lose their effectiveness if you decide to relieve yourself in the water.
- On a related note, refrain from picking up poop with your bare hands—like your mom does when cleaning the bathtub. (Unless you become a father, then it’s a rite of passage. Just remember to wash up afterward!)
- Boogers belong in tissues, not in anyone’s hair, including your brother’s or mine.
- Farts are universally amusing, regardless of your age.
- While it’s funny to shout “FARTIN!” at home, the outside world might not appreciate every burp or fart announcement. Just keep it within our walls, please.
- Lying is unacceptable—except when it’s a creative version of the truth meant to protect you, like “If you touch your private parts in public, they may fall off.”
- Soap is most effective when used on your body, not smeared across the bathtub walls.
- Exposing yourself to others is not appropriate. A few exceptions come later in life, but for now, keep your body to yourself.
- While I understand the intrigue in observing your own pee, getting too close to your brother’s private area is not wise. Stick to watching your own.
- I know you feel free and alive when you’re naked, but unfortunately, wearing clothes in public is a necessity.
- Even though your affection for your manhood is strong, there will be times when it’s better to let go. Life will be simpler if you occasionally use both hands for other endeavors.
- When you do finally lift your hands from your pants to express affection, I can overlook where they’ve been, but your future partner may not appreciate that. Let’s work on this.
- Life extends beyond your manhood. As you grow older, it may be challenging to accept, especially when surrounded by friends who may disagree. Remember, the world doesn’t revolve around it, and neither should you.
- Above all, I love you always—more than you can imagine, even more than you love your own manhood.
If you’re looking for more insight on parenthood, check out this fertility booster for men to enhance your journey as a man. Also, for a broader understanding of the topic, this article is an excellent resource for all things related to pregnancy and home insemination. And don’t miss this post about celebrating important days with creativity.
In summary, my dear boys, these lessons may seem trivial, but they are essential for your growth and understanding as you navigate through life. Embrace them, and always remember how much you are loved.