Well, that was all the motivation I needed. Fueled by a surge of feminist resolve, I decided there was no reason I couldn’t step up and grill some simple burgers.
Let’s be clear: I didn’t even know how to start the outdoor grill. Seriously.
But I was determined. Armed with three essentials—a gas stove, a cast-iron grill pan, and the vast resources of Google—I began my culinary quest. After browsing various sites to learn how to effectively use a cast-iron grill pan on a gas stove, and how to check if a hamburger was cooked properly, I felt prepared. I did come across several warnings about grease fires and flare-ups, so I took a moment to ensure that the fire extinguisher was nearby (but well-hidden under the sink, in case my kids sensed any uncertainty about my capabilities).
Setting Objectives for “Mission Burger”
Before I got started, I set some clear objectives for “Mission Burger.” Unlike many tactical operations, my goals were focused on what I wanted to avoid rather than what I aimed to achieve:
- Burning the house down.
- Making my kids ill with salmonella.
- Producing hockey pucks instead of burgers.
- Burning any part of myself. At all.
- Did I mention the burning the house down part? That was a major concern.
As I gathered ingredients and formed the beef patties, I reflected on how my goals had shifted since I first learned I was going to become a parent. My husband and I faced challenges in conceiving, so when, after a long and difficult journey, we found out we were expecting twin boys, I was filled with gratitude. I had big plans to be the perfect mother. I envisioned breastfeeding for two years, using cloth diapers, making homemade baby food, teaching my children to read by three, banning all TV, engaging in daily arts and crafts, reading to them every night, and keeping a spotless home stocked with organic foods.
Fast forward nine years and one (unexpected!) little girl later, and those grand aspirations have been completely tossed aside. I managed six weeks of breastfeeding with my three kids. The cloth diapering? Let’s not even go there; jarred baby food was just so much easier. My boys started reading by age six, and they watched Baby Einstein videos from the moment they could focus on the screen. My house? It looks like a tornado hit it. And the amount of food those children consume is astonishing—while organic groceries would be lovely, it would likely leave us living in a cardboard box. Arts and crafts? Too messy; I accidentally killed two tomato plants last year because I forgot to water them. By the end of the day, I’m just grateful to see my kids in bed, and reading to them is out of the question. I finally began volunteering in their classes after four years of procrastination, and honestly, I count the minutes until I can escape that chaos. My once pleasant whistling has transformed into what my kids affectionately call “the Mom scream.”
So here I am, standing at the stove, ready to cook burgers with the sole aim of avoiding a fiery disaster, keeping all my body parts intact, and ensuring my kids don’t end up in the emergency room. All those lofty aspirations have boiled down to these three, and if I can pull it off, I’ll consider it a resounding success.
Apart from a brief panic when flames erupted after flipping one of the burgers, the dinner prep went smoothly. The fire extinguisher remained safely tucked away, and the burgers were declared “actually pretty good” by my hard-to-please under-10 critics. Everyone went to bed without any smoke alarms going off or any unpleasant vomiting episodes.
A definite success, I’d say!
If you’re interested in navigating the challenges of parenthood and fertility, consider checking out this insightful resource on pregnancy and home insemination at the CDC. For those on a journey towards parenthood, you may find this discussion on couples’ fertility journeys beneficial. And if you’re feeling adventurous, here’s a fun DIY project for the family to try together!
In summary, the journey of parenting often leads to unexpected changes in our goals and aspirations—what began as a quest for perfection has turned into a mission of survival and success, one burger at a time.