Dear Kids,
It seems that nearly every week, one of you reaches out asking for an early pickup from school. Your reasons vary widely, from feeling unwell to simply being bored with the day. I’ve made the rules for early dismissals very clear, yet there appears to be some confusion. Therefore, I’ve decided to lay out the criteria for what constitutes a legitimate reason for leaving school early. Please take note.
- Severe Bleeding – I need to see a significant amount of blood—think of a scene from a horror movie. If a couple of band-aids can fix you up, then don’t bother calling. You’ll need to be in an ambulance for me to come get you.
- Major Injury – Not just any injury will do. To qualify, something should be skewered in your body that is visibly larger than your hand. A pencil does not count.
- Vomiting – You must be completely covered in your own vomit or have thrown up in front of a teacher. I’ve told you repeatedly to use the toilet at home, so if you’re claiming to have this newfound skill at school, I’m not convinced.
- Head Pain – The only scenario in which I would consider leaving my couch for a headache is if your head is actually split open or if something is lodged in your skull.
- Injuries – Any mention of discomfort in your wrist, ankle, or any other body part will not warrant a call from me. If a bone has pierced the skin, however, then I might consider it.
- Ear Discomfort – Absolutely not.
- Forgotten Lunch – You will be eating whatever is available at school. I am not delivering your lunch or any other items. Learn from this experience, and try to remember your things next time.
- Stomachache – The likelihood of me picking you up for a stomach issue is about as high as me deciding to take on a volcano with a garden hose. If I can’t see a fever (like a 100-degree temp), then you’re not getting a ride.
- Sore Throat – You can have a drink of water but you’re heading back to class afterward.
- Insect Bites – Unless you’re ballooning to five times your size, I’m not interested. You’re not allergic, so deal with it like everyone else has for eternity. Mark the bite with your fingernail and move on.
It’s important to remember that while you’re at school, I’m busy with my own activities (like napping and catching up on shows). There’s no room in my schedule for extra entertainment. Enjoy your time at school, and I’ll see you at the regular pickup time—not a moment sooner.
Love,
Mom
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Summary
This guide provides a clear outline of what qualifies as an acceptable reason for an early school pickup. From severe injuries to major health issues, only serious circumstances will warrant a call for early dismissal.