Unmarried moms are often viewed as enigmatic and unpredictable figures. The idea of cohabiting without marriage? That requires effort, just like maintaining a marriage does. Of course, it may also necessitate some intimate moments, but that’s par for the course in any relationship.
Not only does every single person feel entitled to ask when you plan to tie the knot, but they often question why you haven’t. Some take offense at the mere thought that you might not want to marry at all. My partner, Alex, and I have been happily living together in what some may call “sin” for over a decade. While parenting wasn’t part of our initial game plan, the desire for children grew stronger for me, and subsequently for him.
He’s the type of guy who would undoubtedly excel as a father—if he ever decides to take that leap. Or maybe that was just the pregnancy hormones talking! Regardless, we surprised many when we announced the joyous news: I was expecting.
However, not everyone shared in our excitement. From a divorced acquaintance who urged me not to raise a “bastard” (full story here) to my own mother briefly suspecting I might have gotten pregnant on the down-low (I didn’t), the presence of Frenemies of the Unmarried Mom is palpable. People often fear what they don’t understand, and many struggle to grasp why a mother might choose to remain unmarried.
So, who are the most apprehensive about an Unmarried Mom?
The True Believers: For those deeply religious, my unmarried status may be offensive. To you, it feels like a rebellion against your beliefs, and I apologize for any discomfort my living situation may cause. However, your God isn’t my God. Just as you favor Dawn dish soap, I’m a staunch advocate for Palmolive (seriously, Palmolive with Oxy-Clean is the best). We have different aspirations in life. If I ever feel the need to seek spiritual guidance, I probably won’t turn to you.
The Joneses: The fiercest adversaries of Unmarried Moms are the Joneses. While the True Believers aim to enlighten me, the Joneses are all about outdoing me. Obsessed with projecting a picture-perfect life, they often spend lavishly to keep up appearances—starting with the engagement ring. With no ring on my finger, I am seen as flawed. Ironically, those who are the most consumed with appearances often find themselves the most dissatisfied, as they hide the messy realities of life.
Married Moms: You’re generally kinder than the Joneses. When it’s just us, we get along well. But whenever you see me, there’s that instinctive twist of your wedding ring to reassure yourself of your marital bliss. I’m truly happy for your happiness, but your version of joy doesn’t equate to mine. Let’s just enjoy a glass of wine and agree to disagree. And don’t worry, I’m not here to steal your husband just because I’m not “officially” married. Cross my heart.
Do-Good Dads: This type took me a while to recognize. They appear so typical—Dad of the Year material, right? In reality, they’re often overwhelmed and coerced into attending every birthday party while being dictated how to dress and act. Even a simple trip to Home Depot requires elaborate planning. Do-Good Dads are often advised to steer clear of Unmarried Moms because we supposedly lack commitment. Their tales of marital strife and difficult wives only make me less inclined to rush to the altar.
Childless by Choice Individuals: You are terrified of Unmarried Moms. The truth is, one broken condom could turn you into one of us. Just wait; married or not, you might find yourself in our shoes someday. In the meantime, keep up with your birth control, use condoms, and stop trying to get me intoxicated to relive the past (I admit, I can’t handle a hangover like I used to).
How to Identify an Unmarried Mom?
It’s not easy. We blend in seamlessly, often mistaken for other moms. A single mom? A married mom with her ring off? A childless aunt? The absence of a ring can create a lot of confusion. Before casting judgment, consider this: if I wore a ring, would you even notice the difference? I’m a devoted mother, ring or not. If my lack of a ring doesn’t bother me, it shouldn’t trouble you either. Whether married or not, I can pay my taxes, raise my child, and bake (though my buttercream icing is a disaster, so send me a decent recipe, please).
Let’s be friends, and just to clarify, I’ll answer your question one last time: I don’t know if I’ll marry my daughter’s father. Right now? No. In the future? Perhaps. Only time will reveal what lies ahead.
For more insights into parenting and family dynamics, check out our other blog posts, including one on couples’ fertility journeys. If you’re curious about the aftermath of childbirth, this site provides valuable information. Additionally, you can explore this excellent resource for more on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Unmarried moms face scrutiny and misunderstanding from various groups, including religious individuals, perfectionists, and even married friends. Despite the challenges, these mothers are dedicated to their children and capable of thriving in their roles. The societal pressures and judgments surrounding marital status can be daunting, but the focus should remain on parenting and personal happiness.