Yesterday marked my 49th birthday. Here are nine lessons I’ve gathered along the way.
When I was 29, a newlywed and a mother to a tiny infant, I never could have envisioned where life would take me two decades later. I find myself now working at an online platform, reflecting on my journey and sharing stories. I’m navigating life as a divorced woman, waiting for the legal dust to settle. I have sole custody of my children and proudly claim the title of published author, able to call myself a “New York Times bestselling” writer—though doing so still feels a bit boastful. I’ve drifted far from my previous life, yet I find a sense of tranquility I never expected.
So, what does 49 look like?
Take my birthday morning, for instance. It wasn’t a usual day by any means, but it had its normalcy. My 18-year-old daughter woke me up with breakfast in bed, only for my ravenous 8-year-old to take it over. (If that doesn’t sum up motherhood, I don’t know what does.) He sported a shower cap after dyeing his hair blue. My daughter gifted me a certificate good for five evenings of dishwashing without complaints—a thoughtful present, especially since we lack a dishwasher.
I squeezed in an hour of yoga in the living room, during which my son reminded me I was supposed to be the snack mother for the week, starting Monday. Oops. I thought that was next week. I dropped my little one off at school, then raced to the grocery store, tying up the dog outside while hoping he wouldn’t be stolen. I returned to school to drop off exactly $49 (what a cosmic coincidence) worth of snacks, then back home to grab my computer for work. I typed this during my subway commute, aiming to have 500 words down before arriving at the office.
Later, a friend treated me to lunch and a Broadway show, where I was brought to tears by the surprise presence of four other friends. Another friend took my kids and me out for dinner at one of my favorite NYC spots. I truly appreciate the friendships I have. Instead of heading back to the office between the show and dinner, I decided to take the afternoon off. It was the first spring-like day in months, and as a full-time working single mom, I rarely carve out time for myself. I strolled over three miles from the theater to TriBeCa, enjoying the High Line and listening to old Rolling Stones tracks and Mozart.
That’s a snapshot of 49 for me—an ordinary day with a twist. Each of us experiences life differently, but for those reading this in an industrialized nation, it might resonate. Even if you’re still married or without children, or in a state of transition like I am.
If I had been told at 29 that this would be my life, I would have recoiled. But now, I embrace it fully, recognizing the unexpected joys it brings, especially in middle age. Here are some insights I’ve gleaned:
- Wellness and vitality are often more about mindset than physicality. Stay youthful at heart and it will show.
- Post-marital dating is not only accessible with today’s technology, but can also be enjoyable.
- Shame serves no purpose. There’s no shame in seeking help, love, companionship, or even just some time to yourself.
- Children transition from draining you to enriching your life; they morph into incredible individuals you can share your space with, albeit for a fleeting moment.
- The notion of a single soulmate is a myth; love can blossom at any age.
- Longstanding friendships, nurtured over the years, can provide immense warmth and joy.
- Learning is a lifelong journey; maturity doesn’t equate to a fixed perspective.
- Whatever you envision 49 will be, expect the unexpected.
- Loving your work and workplace is achievable—it’s not just a fantasy.
And you know what I cherish most about being 49? Writing for you. It brings me genuine joy, and I appreciate your readership.
Let’s reconvene at 50, shall we?
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Summary
As I celebrate my 49th birthday, I reflect on the profound lessons learned over the years—from the emotional growth that comes with parenting to the importance of friendships and self-acceptance. Embracing the unexpected turns of life has led to a fulfilling present, and I look forward to sharing more as I journey toward 50.