Updated: Aug. 12, 2015
Originally Published: March 1, 2015
Reality television rarely captures the true essence of life. Six months ago, I departed from a vibrant little town that, while not my childhood home, had become a place of career growth and friendships. Nestled in the Colorado mountains, it was a lively community filled with artists, former gold miners, a retired CIA agent, and snow scientists who enjoyed Pisco Sours and strumming their guitars. It was an exhilarating experience.
However, as life often unfolds like a Hallmark movie, my mother’s health declined, prompting my return to a rural Midwestern town characterized by meth labs and dilapidated vehicles. It’s an understatement to say that this reality doesn’t resemble the idyllic portrayals we see on screen.
This scenario is all too familiar for many of us in the Midwest: our parents are aging and require assistance. We pause our lives and come back home, exchanging nights filled with laughter and beer for an unexpected fondness for the treasures at the local Dollar General, which has become our main source of entertainment. Financially, it’s a struggle; rebuilding a life at 48 is both slow and costly. We witness our parents grapple with pain and confusion, which raises the uncomfortable question of whether these ailments will one day be ours to bear.
Before my departure from the mountains, a woman I barely knew remarked, “Who knows? This could lead to something truly beautiful.” We often hear about the moments of bonding and reconciliation that can emerge during these challenging times, and they indeed hold a certain beauty. The traumas of childhood and family drama fade into the background as we recognize that we survived them. Now, it’s time to extend kindness to our parents, who may not have always been perfect but did their best with the resources they had.
As we navigate this journey, we catch glimpses of what it must be like to face the decline of our physical selves, realizing that there are only a few years left to embrace the life we’ve been given. We listen to their stories of youth, romance, joy, and sorrow. The shift from seeing them as mere parents to viewing them as individuals is profound. Now, at the age they once were, we empathize a bit more.
Even though we experience frustration and fear for our own futures, we hold no resentment for the time spent together. Saturday evenings are now filled with Hallmark movies and reruns of classic shows, like The Lawrence Welk Show—programs we used to enjoy with our grandparents while our youthful parents went out.
This nostalgia brings joy as we rediscover shared memories, and we strive to remain patient when they continue to offer advice, such as how to boil an egg or shovel snow, treating us as if we’re still children. This is our current reality, and we embrace it.
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In summary, caring for our aging parents can be both burdensome and beautiful. It involves navigating challenges while rediscovering the joys of family connection and shared history. Through this process, we learn to appreciate the complexity of their lives and our own, all while preparing for an uncertain future.