In 1992, I let Fox Mulder, the iconic and eccentric FBI agent from The X-Files, weave his way into my heart, and it seems there’s no escaping his influence. The truth about my feelings for him is as palpable as the mysteries he sought to unravel.
Mulder, My Inner Hero
During an enjoyable first date, while sipping on wine and sharing stories about past relationships, I unexpectedly declared, “Fox Mulder is my inner hero.” My date shot me a puzzled look, as if I were spouting wild conspiracy theories. But I felt compelled to delve deeper: despite The X-Files having concluded, Mulder’s presence still lingered in my psyche. For those unfamiliar, the concept of the “animus,” as defined by Jungian psychology, represents the idealized masculine figure within us—someone we want to be or connect with intimately.
Certainly, I’m just one among many who adore him, yet my imagination has always flourished with thoughts of deep, late-night conversations on Mulder’s couch (which he notably lacked until season six). I would embrace him, flaws and all, and I would save him from the ominous shadow of The Smoking Man.
Recently, I indulged in a nostalgic binge-watch of The X-Files to see if my long-standing affection had faded over the years. To my delight, my admiration for Mulder—whether in his early, mid, or later stages—remained unwavering. I found myself a mix of starry-eyed and envious of Scully, reminding me how powerful nostalgia can be.
A Multifaceted Allure
To further explore my feelings, I read David Duchovny’s novel, Holy Cow, which tells the whimsical tale of a talking cow escaping from the slaughterhouse. It’s filled with humor and poignant commentary on serious issues like factory farming. Duchovny’s wit shines through; it’s a delightful blend that speaks to my heart as a Jewish vegetarian.
Meanwhile, his character Hank Moody from Californication exuded the charm and wounded allure I often find irresistible. Yet, despite my fascination with Hank, it’s Mulder who holds a special place in my heart.
A Memorable Encounter
A few years back, I had the chance to meet Duchovny in person while he was filming nearby. I usually adhere to the New York City code of treating celebrities as ordinary folks, but the opportunity was too tempting to pass. As I arrived, I found myself in a crowd of fans, all eager to catch a glimpse of him.
When he made eye contact with me, I turned into a complete bundle of nerves, unable to speak. After moments of silence, he broke the ice with, “Isn’t anyone going to say anything?” My heart raced as I watched others engage while I stood frozen, my dreams colliding with reality. A newfound friend in the crowd urged me to return for a photo, but the experience left me shaky.
Every Man Reflects Mulder
Throughout my life, I’ve been drawn to men who embody Mulder’s blend of charm and vulnerability. These “Mulder-like” figures often dominated my space, sometimes overshadowing my own creative pursuits. Perhaps this fascination stems from how my high school boyfriend first introduced me to The X-Files, leaving a lasting imprint—much like the abductions depicted in the show.
Raised on television in the ’80s and ’90s, it’s not surprising that I might conflate my deepest desires with a fictional character. Or perhaps, there’s a troubled genius beneath my surface, waiting for Mulder to help me solve the mysteries of my own life. If he ever wants to drop by and lend a hand, my home office is always open.
Summary
In this piece, the author reflects on their enduring fascination with Fox Mulder from The X-Files, examining how he represents not just an idealized figure in their psyche, but also a deeper connection to their own desires and experiences. From a memorable encounter with David Duchovny to the impact of the character on their love life, Mulder’s influence is explored with humor and nostalgia. The narrative weaves through a personal journey of self-discovery and admiration for a fictional hero, connecting it to broader themes of vulnerability and creativity.