As a parent to an 8-month-old who was once a champion sleeper, I’ve found myself in a whirlwind of sleepless nights ever since a cold turned her sleep schedule upside down. The boundaries of day and night have blurred, and in my sleep-deprived state, I’ve uttered some pretty outlandish things to my little one. One can only hope she’ll forgive me for these moments. Here are some gems from those long nights:
- Don’t touch my face—I’ve been dealing with you for over an hour. We’re not buddies.
- I’m changing your messy diaper, and I should probably be crying right now.
- Quit flapping your arms, you little bird!
- This is why your dad wants to drive into the ocean.
- Ugh… don’t you dare forget this when you’re a teenager.
- Stop nibbling on me! You’re like a tiny animal!
- If you don’t stop kicking, I’ll get some duct tape.
- Do you see anyone else laughing? It’s like you’re on something. I could use some of that.
- Normal people don’t smear boogers on their faces. You’re the worst roommate ever.
- Don’t suck there! I’m not equipped for that.
- You were asleep!! You were asleep!! You! Were! Asleep!!
- The dumb binky is staying in your mouth.
- Your diaper smells like apricots. What in the world is happening?
- This is why you don’t have any friends.
- I cuddle with you, and you push me away. I set you down, and you cry. You’re as puzzling as your father.
- Just tell me what you want! Not everything is a secret, you know.
- Stop being so adorable. No one is cute right now. Just go to sleep.
- Why are you smiling? Now I’m smiling. I dislike that we’re both smiling.
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Summary
Sleepless nights with an infant can lead to some outrageous comments and thoughts from parents. As I navigate this challenging phase, I’ve found humor in the chaos, sharing my experiences with a touch of absurdity and honesty. Parenting is a wild journey, and connecting with others through shared experiences can make it a little easier.