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Parenting
My Daughter Dreams of Marrying a Pop Star
by Jenna Lee
Updated: Dec. 26, 2015
Originally Published: Feb. 10, 2015
“Mom, how do babies get into the tummy?”
“If a nuclear bomb exploded in Denver, would it impact people in Texas?”
“Why was Martin Luther King, Jr. shot?”
“What’s the real deal with abortion?”
“If a girl loves another girl, how can they have kids?”
These questions always seem to pop up during rush hour, when the radio is blaring, and I’m just trying to get everyone home without chaos. By now, our car rides have morphed into what I like to call “Stump Mom” sessions at the dinner table, where the kids take turns tossing out their most challenging queries. With my children’s ages ranging from 6 to nearly 13, I find myself constantly adjusting my responses. For instance, discussions about sperm banks or nuclear warfare require a careful approach, especially for my youngest, who might not need all the intricate details.
Recently, while we were all struggling to navigate the laundry room, my 8-year-old daughter posed a question about her desire to marry a certain pop singer.
Being my usual playful self, I chuckled and said, “Of course, sweetheart, but you might have to travel to get it done legally. How about Hawaii?” As I turned toward the kitchen, I could see her face morph into confusion, her backpack abandoned at her feet.
“Is it illegal for me to marry her? Are we going to jail?” she asked, brows furrowed.
“No, it’s not illegal, just not recognized in Texas,” I replied, mentally wrestling with how much detail to share. Should I mention the importance of legal rights in matters like health insurance or inheritance? “If Katy Perry became a firefighter and something happened to her, you wouldn’t be entitled to her benefits here in Texas.” Thankfully, I held my tongue.
Instead, we moved on to dinner, where we discussed the importance of marrying the one you love and how changes in the law might allow her to wed Katy Perry in any state soon. My daughter’s understanding of love and relationships is still maturing, but it’s clear she’s aware of the world around her. I think back to my own childhood, where these discussions were non-existent, and I can’t help but feel grateful for the progress we’ve made.
While the world is far from perfect, and ignorance still exists, I see a shift in attitudes towards love and relationships. Celebrities may be packaged for public consumption, but the reality is that we now enjoy media representation that reflects diverse families. My children attend a school where families with two moms or two dads are the norm, and they accept their peers without question. Just a few years ago, a trans student came out in my son’s fifth-grade class, and the response was overwhelmingly positive.
I think about my childhood role models—women like Ellen DeGeneres and Sally Ride—and how different my experiences could have been if there had been more conversations around love and acceptance.
One of the challenges of our dinner-time discussions is that they rarely conclude neatly. Each query opens up new avenues of thought, leading to the familiar refrain of “Yes, but…”—a reminder that while progress has been made, there is still much to address.
Despite the difficulties in discussing complex topics like nuclear warfare or reproductive health, I cherish these conversations and hope my children continue to ask questions as they grow older. It’s crucial that they remain engaged with the world and understand their ability to influence it.
If you wish to explore more about home insemination, you can check out our blog post on artificial insemination kits. For more information on pregnancy and home insemination, the Cleveland Clinic provides an excellent resource on IUI (intrauterine insemination). Additionally, for those interested in real-life experiences, you can read about a couple’s journey after four unsuccessful IUI attempts and how they finally conceived here.
Summary
This article reflects on the complexities of parenting in a world where children are exposed to diverse conversations about love and relationships. It highlights a mother’s experience navigating her daughter’s inquiries about marriage and societal norms while emphasizing the progress made in acceptance and understanding. Through shared dialogues at home, the hope is to foster a sense of empowerment in children as they grow and engage with the world around them.