Remember that family who sent a bill to the child who didn’t show up to their birthday party? Honestly, I feel a bit relieved that this issue has surfaced because entertaining other kids can really add up. Now that it seems possible to recover some costs, I’ve compiled a list of expenses I’ll be invoicing other families for, which includes the following…
- 87 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that your child took one bite of before discarding.
- 800 kilowatt hours consumed to power the video game console.
- The three “must-have” games for the console that my kids heard about from yours.
- Costs associated with carpools, including mileage, gas, and wear on my vehicle. (This minivan isn’t getting any younger!)
- My billable hours for that playdate you decided to “extend” at.
- The plumber’s fee (at holiday rates, Happy Labor Day!) for the clogged toilet.
- Six rolls of toilet paper that your child attempted to stuff down that same toilet.
- Various art supplies that were never used for crafting but somehow ended up destroyed.
- 18 rolls of paper towels used while teaching your child how to properly use a regular glass.
- Endless quantities of goldfish snacks.
- The case of ZBars that inexplicably vanished.
- The living room rug that your child claimed “wasn’t that great anyway.”
- The wine I consumed to recover from your family’s visit.
- 367 Magic Erasers.
- New sports balls (all of which have either gone over the fence or disappeared).
- One gallon of ice cream that had “too much chocolate” and ended up a melted mess on our kitchen table.
- Two cups of hot chocolate that were also deemed “too chocolaty” and left to cool on the coffee table.
- One bag of microwave popcorn that I had hidden for my TV binge, which your child managed to find and burn.
- 300 gallons of water from July 2014 when I accidentally left the hose running for five hours.
- Six boxes of Band-Aids and three tubes of Neosporin (I told your child at least four times not to eat it!).
- A three-day stay at an all-inclusive resort in Jamaica.
We accept credit, but cash is preferred. Due to the PTA wrapping paper incident of 2012, we can’t accept personal checks. Please ensure your payment is settled before sending your child(ren) over again.
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In summary, the costs associated with hosting children can quickly add up, and it may be worth considering invoicing other families for these expenses. By communicating openly and humorously about these financial realities, we can foster a better understanding among parents.