The other morning, I woke up to find noticeable lines etched across my forehead. Standing before the mirror, I attempted to smooth them away. My partner offered a supportive remark.
“Sweetheart, you’re getting older. Those are laugh lines. You’re happy, but you’re aging.”
“Happy? Not anymore. And you’re losing hair.”
What just happened? Did I suddenly age overnight? Despite my dedication to skincare, I’m a VIB at Sephora.com (that’s Very Important Beauty for those who might not know). My latest obsession was a high-priced serum boasting regenerative micro-algae. For $98, I expected firmer skin and perkier assets. Alas, all I got were deep grooves above my brows and a bust that resembles a sagging pair of socks.
For years, I’ve prided myself on looking younger than my age. Lucky me, right? Tell that to someone who layers on so much spandex that she could practically be a backup dancer for Richard Simmons. Sure, I breathe while I sleep, so that’s something.
Then there’s the issue of forgetfulness. It’s the small things, but it drives me insane. Just yesterday, I spent ten frantic minutes searching for my phone, while my kids stood by, ready for school, playfully bickering.
“Stop hitting your brother! I need to find my phone! QUIT YELLING AND FIGHTING!”
“Uh, Mom, your phone is in your hand.”
Damn it.
“Get in the car!”
“Mom, I think you’re getting old.”
“Get in the trunk!”
And we can’t ignore the grey hair situation. I’ve been a regular at the hair dyeing salon for years. As an Italian/Ukrainian brunette, my first grey appeared unexpectedly, a bold and wiry little strand right up front. Initially, I colored my hair twice a year, but now I’ve got a stylist who practically lives with us; he has a guest room and a Christmas stocking. And let’s not even discuss the hair below the neck. Yes, ladies, it can be a jungle down there too. Be vigilant; you don’t want your partner discovering that surprise!
Eventually, you’ll find yourself in the midst of the “Triple Crown” – head, chin, and, you guessed it, those rogue hairs on your neck. Expect to see stubborn little hairs pop up around your chin, which I affectionately call “the sofa.” My first encounter with one of those hairs was quite shocking; I even showed it to my partner just to get a reaction.
“If you ever want to be intimate again, don’t show me that!”
And intimacy itself has changed. I remember my wild days of youthful spontaneity in my 20s and 30s. Then came the kids, a thyroid condition, and early menopause. If you’re unfamiliar with what that does to your libido, look it up – just be warned you might never search again. Also, let’s talk about dryness. Yes, it’s possible to make that “I-just-ate-a-lemon” face, but your lady parts may not be quite as user-friendly as they used to be. There are creams and workarounds, but intimacy becomes a chore rather than a thrill. You have to find humor in it or risk spending an eternity alone with your own… issues. So, plan ahead, keep it light, and stock up on that extra-strength lubricant. Fun can still be had, but swinging from chandeliers? Forget it; a bad back isn’t worth it.
On top of it all, I’ve noticed a bit of weight gain. Okay, fine, it’s me who’s gained weight. What if we took down the chandelier? How do we explain that to the kids? Some women seem to defy gravity as they age, while the rest of us mere mortals face the reality of changing bodies. That metabolism you once took for granted? It’s vanished. So, it’s either bid farewell to wine and dessert or learn to embrace that extra bit of you. That’s my strategy. I refuse to be seen sipping a kale smoothie. No way! I’ve earned my glass of Malbec and a slice of chocolate cake after half a century on this planet. I raised two kids who, despite the challenges, are still breathing. So, pour me a glass of wine and pass that cake – and make sure it’s a corner piece!
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In summary, aging may bring about unexpected changes, from laugh lines to forgetfulness, and even shifts in intimacy and body shape. Embracing these changes with humor and self-love is key to navigating this new phase of life.