Updated: May 14, 2020
Originally Published: Jan. 10, 2015
My online dating profile is out there, waiting for the right match.
I went through a divorce at 40, and while I don’t feel old, I recognize I’m not exactly in the prime of youth anymore. As a single woman with three kids, a house, and a cat, I sometimes feel like I’m in a vast desert of dating options—there are men, but finding one who wants to engage with my life and responsibilities seems elusive. My ex is 8,000 miles away, leaving me to navigate this parenting journey alone. It’s a challenging situation that doesn’t paint a rosy picture for potential partners.
Yet, I wouldn’t trade my family for anything. Since childhood, I dreamed of motherhood and welcomed my first child at 27. Now, at 41, I refuse to believe my chances of finding love are slim simply because my ex-husband opted out of our family life. However, I must face the reality that I might remain single until my youngest heads to college in nine years. Until then, I know my dating pool will likely consist of individuals who prefer a partner without the “baggage” that comes with kids.
This reality hurts.
Recently, I’ve embarked on a remarkable journey. For the first time in years, I have rediscovered happiness and freedom. I am no longer confined to an unhappy marriage with a partner who took me for granted. I spent so long supporting someone else’s achievements that I lost sight of my own aspirations. Now, my life is a blank canvas, ready for me to paint the future I’ve always envisioned for myself.
My children are integral to this vision. They shape who I am today. Therefore, when a man expresses disinterest after learning I have full custody, or when he hesitates to meet my kids, I can’t help but reconsider. Is it worth pursuing a romantic life, or should I pause and focus solely on raising my children? So far, no one suitable has emerged for either of us.
However, giving up is not my style.
A close friend reminded me that I once lamented the absence of a partner in my life. During my divorce, I might have said I “needed” a man, but upon reflection, I realize I “want” one. I don’t require anyone to complete my life; I am grateful for my children and the strength I’ve found within myself. Yet, I find myself caught between my love for my kids and my desire for companionship.
Until that perfect person comes along—someone who appreciates that I come as a package deal and loves me even more for it—I’ll remain single. And I’m alright with that. I’m better off for it. I am content with the notion that someday I will find fulfillment in love, even if it doesn’t come all at once.
This is what being 41 looks like for me. This is my story, my profile. For now.
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Summary:
Navigating dating as a 41-year-old single mother presents unique challenges, especially after a divorce. Despite the desire for companionship, balancing family responsibilities often complicates the search for a partner. It’s important to recognize that fulfillment can come from within and that patience may be required until the right person arrives.