In which scenarios should a parent concede? Personally, I never concede. Not ever. However, if you’re asking about instances where I’ve tactically retreated upon realizing a confrontation wasn’t worth the effort, that’s a different story entirely. Bringing in backup or switching off with another adult to recharge is a whole different ballgame.
As a parent, it’s crucial for me to understand what I can control. Here are my strategies for navigating the challenges of a strong-willed child.
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While I can’t dictate whether my child chooses to whine or throw a tantrum, I can control my response. I find it relatively easy to maintain a calm demeanor and not engage in the noise. My partner, Mia, often needs to put on headphones or step outside to gather her thoughts. Interestingly, when our cat starts meowing incessantly, I’m the one who gets riled up!
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Building on that first point, I can’t compel my child to use polite language. However, I can ignore her requests if she doesn’t ask nicely. When she uses a respectful tone and says “please,” I respond with enthusiasm. Focusing on basic manners has undoubtedly been one of our most beneficial parenting choices.
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I can’t control when my child falls asleep, but I can manage whether she stays in her room after bedtime. We’ve installed a lockable gate at her door. Initially, she gets to decide if both the door and the gate are open or closed. If she leaves her room for anything other than a bathroom break, we gently guide her back and secure the gate. This setup allows her to have some autonomy while ensuring she stays put.
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While I can’t make her pick up her toys at the first request, I can reduce distractions that might deter her. For instance, I turn off the television, as she’s too small to reach the remote. We’ve also added a second deadbolt lock on our front door, high enough to prevent her from running outside. These adjustments help me avoid repeated requests or raising my voice.
It’s important to note that while these strategies sound straightforward, parenting can still be exhausting. The hardest moments often occur during midnight wake-ups when our daughter needs comforting. Although she typically sleeps well, her recent vivid dreams have made nighttime challenging.
Mia and I have different sleep schedules, and she usually turns in first. If our daughter wakes up while I’m still awake, I go in to settle her. However, if it’s the middle of the night, it’s likely Mia will handle it. We both value our rest and know how beneficial it is for at least one of us to be alert.
To avoid both of us being up at odd hours, one of us comforts our daughter. If the one soothing her exhausts before she does, the other parent steps in for support, allowing the first to catch up on sleep.
Any situation that pushes me to the edge, where I feel like I might just give in, usually stems from fatigue. Yet, I don’t consider these moments as conceding defeat. I view parenting as a long-term journey—spanning 18 to 21 years—aimed at nurturing a capable adult, with love and support continuing afterward as needed. Keeping this broader perspective helps me stay grounded.
There will be ups and downs, challenges both minor and major, along with the lessons learned and adjustments made. But I don’t see it as defeat, especially when I come home to my daughter running towards me, joyfully exclaiming, “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy! I love you!” and throwing her arms around me.
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Summary:
This article explores effective strategies for managing a defiant child. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing what parents can control, such as their responses and creating manageable environments. Highlighting the challenges of parenting, particularly during sleepless nights, the piece underscores the long-term commitment of nurturing a child into adulthood.